Long Putz Poems

Captain kuni-lemel graduate strikes again - updated

Steely Dan sing queen (me)
outdid himself on sixtieth anniversary 
after Grahame Wood 
determined to meet 
the evolving needs of the community 
opened the first Wawa Food Market 
in Folsom,...

Read More

“Physics asserts that there are four fundamental forces: electro-magnetism, gravity, and the strong and weak nuclear forces. These gentlemen have made a compelling argument for the existence of a fifth, desire.” Dr. Howard Pollison, National...

Read More

What happened to my sex drive?

(sung – in a round pussy willow warble - to the tune of -- 
Oh Where Oh Where has my little dog gone).

Once pronounced libido of mine 
took kamikaze nose...

Read More

Captain kuni-lemel graduate strikes again

Even when iron not red hot, 
I implement non customary quarks 
regarding foreigner rather cold as ice
namely delinquent outsize credit card debt 
mandates yours truly, 
a cheesy survivor who rem: members...

Read More

Captain Kuni-Lemel strikes again
(even when iron not hot, but rather cold as ice)

Yours truly a day late dollar short
dollars to donuts bonafide klutz
living testes mint procreative
seminal squirt biological reproduction,
could never conceive to abort
despite countless occasions,

I...

Read More

Contains More Than Kernel Of Truthful 

alienation, expulsion, ostracization 
     from body politick 
     if member of society resistant, 
     indifferent, adamant, et...

Read More

(sung – in a round pussy willow warble - to the tune of -- 
Oh Where Oh Where has my little dog gone)

With a flam boy hunt deft jais nais sais quois 
firm lickey split...

Read More

(buzzfeeding, kickstarting, needling darn noggin)

An effort to recall word, phrase,
musician... indigenous tribe...
most frustrating literary
endeavor to das scribe

aggravating enough to sub
bourbon spur teetotaler to imbibe
and/or nsync, whereby soul searching
devil's advocate demands bribe.

Lil brokeback Engelbert Humperdinck
(born Arnold...

Read More

8MILE8MILE    .     .     .     .     .    STYLE     . ...

Read More

spawned in the summer of 1853
these sliced succulent deep fried wonders 
resulted from the demands of a complaining customer
whose bullshit led our man, a one, 
mr. george crum
to do his best to satisfy the putz...

Read More

I'm often asked to pony up for someone else's problem,
But not that many friends have ever asked me for asylum,
Or even come to visit me when my own life's a downer,
Might loan me shovel (would...

Read More

Waiting on my flight I headed for the airport café
With a hot coffee in sight I quickly made my way
While I was at the store I got some donuts too
A bag of eight or more...

Read More

"When power leads man toward arrogance, poetry reminds him of his limitations."              John F. Kennedy
       ...

Read More

sheets of light from times that’ve passed &
(patterns of events 
that try to circumvent)
clichés dancing ‘pon the looking glass 
(original overcast clouds 
placing bets upon the rent)
where places drift along the sea 
(introverted romantic something...

Read More

You may shoot a round of golf with your goofy neighbor Rolf,
or smack handballs 'round until your fingers bleed.
You may pump your mountain bike up the peak named after Pike,
and I'm sure we'll all applaud...

Read More

I'm sitting at a desk,
no longer mine,
in a house that is no more,
before me, a glass of wine,
and a book I've seen before

a journal, forty years old,
my wisdom then, was somehow
seemingly far greater and visionary,
than...

Read More

Swimming in dusty dirt,
Speaking and
singing crazily,
Cursing at no one quite loud,
Truely a sight for one to see...

When I got married, and left,
He'd live for years,
With my wonderful parents,
At their Queens house,
Driving them slowly nuts,
He could...

Read More

I am locked into life
But chastised from within
Must be faithful to wife
And free from all sin

This lock that is placed
Is to keep me so pure
This law can be traced
In my history for sure

You may think...

Read More

There are those moments that stay with us forever
stuck in time, we will forget them never

The night I picked up the phone, it was late
how could this be his fate?

I drove and on my way...

Read More

Distressed in the mind
Lost in the notion
Leaving me blind
From all the commotion

How to sort out
These thoughts in my brain
What’s this about
A runaway train

To many thoughts
Built up so I’m full
Running to spots
Like some big angry bull

With...

Read More

The day the refrigerator went mad
Was the day the butcher put out the ad
Read to me by my own weirdo stepdad
Who was a putz, a reprobate, a cad
I was but a boy of ten, just...

Read More

A very odd co-worker,
One who drove us all nuts,
Was more than weird with food,
In fact, he was a putz

Every single day
He'd eat his 
tuperware'd roast beef
Never a chance in menu
All other foods succumbed
To a sadistic...

Read More

Sometimes I confront my inner child
But usually we just play with blocks
I learned how to see if anyone's home
When I was at the school of hard knocks!

One time I fell down a deep dark hole
Since...

Read More

When the snails had zoomed passed the finish line,
When all that I owned, were no longer mine,
When they had taken my habits away,
When they stopped calling me gramps and say hey,
When I'm second fiddle caused...

Read More

it happened many years ago,
when I was young and handsome
I somehow wound up with a blind date
one I was never to forget

it was hate at first sight
not just merely distaste,
we seemed to loath each other,
of...

Read More