Long Paleontologist Poems
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Carol Ellen’s love of granite will turn her into a fulfilled geologist.
Tim’s fascination with stem cells will help him be a fantastic biologist.
Me, myself, I want to a tri-scientist. Maybe paleontologist.
If not that, there is my secretive dream of being a micro-biologist.
My neighbor’s cousin is a boring, bored, cardiologist.
His former dream was to be an Egyptian anthropologist.
I’ve invented a new career, a Sabertoothologist
Which sounds almost as terrific as a ColdDuluthologist.
Both are my self-made ideas, as I am a well-known ideologist.
My outrageously lovely fall back plan is snappily dressed zoologist
Except the Latin might kill me, forcing me to become an astrologist.
If I want to begin soon, I had best get out some books and blow off the dust.
Paleontologist Steve called in another expert.
Where did you find this? The second scientist asked me.
My heart was beating furiously.
Back yard I told him.
How far down?
Of course I cannot be certain,
for when the Great Dane digs, the Great Dane digs.
I was wishing Yellow Fellow was here to take care of this.
But since he does not drive or speak to strangers, here I am.
My dog dug it up.
Joe looked at Steve and said “You are correct. This is amazing.”
He looked at me. “I believe this is a Stegosaurus bone, he said.
Can we get you to sign a release and send it to our lab?”
“You can have it,” I said.
They called me a week later to ask permission to dig up the rest
of my yard. I told them “no,” for Yellow Fellow had already been
doing that and there were no more bones. Also I wanted my bone back.
I had been building my Stegosaurus model in the garage you see,
and I was short one bone.
A paleontologist, I specialized on the fauna
that flourished in the Jurassic era.
So, when I got an invitation to speak
in an international seminar last summer,
on the habitat and extinction of dinosaurs,
I set out to do my homework seriously
on the topic, lest I fail to meet the time-line.
The day before the scheduled date of my talk
I completed the presentation work at home,
and went to sleep happy after the hard work.
Soon I drifted dreaming 165 million years back,
suddenly saw a unique winged finger-shaped bird
in the pristine sky, flying with a flaming trail,
perhaps in fury, for I ignored it in my work.
From its distinctive features
I could figure out what that creature was.
It was a pterodactyl, the flying reptile of the Jurassic,
that entered my room through the open window,
and then angrily ate my homework.
February 9, 2021
Contest : ...And Then A Flaming Pterodactyl Ate My Homework
Sponsor : John Lawless
This shuddering heart-throb.
This 11-pound earthworm.
Warm, with fat skin in tiny bundles.
Eyes swimming for clarification,
The gleam in them like lighthouses
In search of just you.
Her arms cling sloth-like around my neck.
Her legs pump and jostle for position.
(For what? A better view over the left shoulder?
I tried the right now and again. She hated it. So left only now.)
Like this in low-lit kitchens, we dance.
I dip and slide with this big fleshy spider
While it emits piggish grunts.
She burrows endlessly into my collar bone,
Dying to dive back into daddy's DNA
For something left behind.
The Infant Paleontologist,
Desperate for discovery.
But she won't find anything. She never does.
She always falls asleep too soon.
I'm too good of a dancer.
(For now, anyway.)
As a paleontologist my research has supported the idea that the primary
cause of dinosaur extinction had been the massive impact of at least 10 km
diameter asteroid in the Yucatan Peninsula, creating the Chicxulup crater
at ca. 65 million years ago. The impact triggered large-scale environmental
devastation, including prolonged “impact winter”, severely affecting
the vegetation life that subsequently demolished the entire food chain for
the dinosaurs, leading to their extinction.
In one of my visits to the crater my biotechnologist friend, Fred, who worked on isolation and study of ancient DNA, accompanied me. From there, he collected a few shattered rock samples for his research. Six months later, when I almost forgot about Fred’s ambitious research project, he told me he was successful in isolating some DNA strains that appeared to him to register very old genetic signatures. I encouraged him to try and transform the genes into living cells. After a number of failed attempts, he could ultimately succeed in doing so. Soon the cells multiplied and in a miraculous manner the eon-old evolutionary process was repeated in the laboratory to develop into a multi-cellular organism. Fred got scared. He wanted to destroy the organism and terminate his research, but I persuaded him to let the living cells grow into their full form in an isolated and confined space.
Months passed and we were surprised to see the organism gradually took the form of living entity of an infant dinosaur that I identified as Tyronnosaurus rex. Fred and I were frightened. Fred no longer enjoyed the credit of his successful research with ancient DNA, and in utter fear wanted again to destroy the outcome, but I could convince him to hand over the creature to the local zoo where as a grown up animal it would create immense curiosity for the public and great interest for the scientific community, and above all, prevent the Jurassic Park to come alive in a dystopian world.
Why does our nose smell and our feet run?
Methinks the answer could be kinky
If Mother Nature chose the other way round
It sure would be messy and stinky
Here's something you should never ever do
Don't make fun of a paleontologist
Bet you're wondering why, you bright people
Coz surely you'll get Jurasskicked
What did the banana say to the doctor?
“I'm not peeling well today”
Did you hear about the Italian chef that died?
Apparently he pasta way!
Two drunks in a bar, one says to the other
“Isn't that Hortense over there?”
The other says she looks pretty calm to me
Saw her knickers, try not to stare
When a midget fortune teller escapes from jail
It's called a small medium at large
Was laughing so hard, nearly soiled my knickers
That surely gave me a good charge
The difference between pea soup and roast beef
Obviously you can't pee soup
But roasting beef is really quite common
Now hang in there until the next group
© Jack Ellison 2015