Long Britches Poems
Long Britches Poems. Below are the most popular long Britches by PoetrySoup Members. You can search for long Britches poems by poem length and keyword.
How I look forward to October the thirty-first each year!
Though the autumn be chilly and the weather a bit drear,
I have the pleasure of meeting strange little imps by the score,
As they visit, lisping "twick or tweat" at my front door!
The door bell rings constantly it seems as I leap to me feet,
Wondering about the wierd characters that I shall meet!
Will it be a devil or an angel or a frightful ghost?
Whoever it might be, I must be a generous host!
Hordes of fairies, cowboys and Indians grace my stoop,
Along with sheriffs, desperados and soldiers by the troop!
Ferocious pirates, scary skeletons and dreadful witches,
Leer and grin at me, nearly scaring me out of my britches!
Standing regally is a king and queen, each wearing a crown,
Along with their court jester, a gaudily bedecked clown!
There's a sweet little princess decked out in ribbons and lace,
Smiling demurely with cute dimples on her pretty face!
A little secret with which those little monsters I'll never share,
But I'll clue you in on my own little Halloween trick if I dare -
I dole out bubblegum, candy corn and stuff I don't care for much,
But keep the Snickers bars, Babe Ruths, Hershey Kisses and such!
Robert L. Hinshaw, CMSgt, USAF, Retired
© All Rights Reserved
Miss All That (MAT) came in all prissy; serious cooks laughed a scoff.
Dare this woman think she’d make the finals in the ultimate cook off?
Something wrong with her we decided; her waist was too thin for sure.
We are serious chefs, burly with shaved heads who create chili pure.
Slimy's secret ingredient gives you flatulence and burps galore.
Many cream their britches before they reach the bathroom door.
Believe it or not, more people ate his chili than the chili of others.
He has thousands of relatives, I think fourteen younger brothers.
What do you call that crap? Asked a newcomer named Surly Sue.
We did not warn her in time, and she was now headed toward the loo.
Slimy slipped his secret ingredient into the donut she had been eating.
She did not make it for customers were taking up all the toilet seating.
Mother Russia in the form of Rotund Roth began his concoction.
Kremlin always bought his chili to make money at their biggest auction.
You sign up to stand in the bread lines waiting for two slivers of toast.
Best quality is chili's persuasive ability to bend wills of man and ghost.
I pulled out all the stops this year, introducing the Super Power Slide.
Gives you a kick in the salivating glands that makes you want to hide.
You turn invisible so no one can see your flatulence propelling you.
Around the room twice, before letting you fly out the window too.
Miss All That asked about six thousand questions to every single cook.
I wanted to say "Here lady" and hand her my dilapidated cook book.
But instead, I fell into niceness mode and helped her like the others.
Her chili was named the best; for she slept with all of Slimy's brothers.
December nineteenth one more day closer to Christmas
December nineteenth Christmas feels so long from now
Christmas come quickly the children are trying
it's hard to be good wanting Christmas right now
The lights are hung and bright at night
December snow is a beautiful sight
Presents are wrapped and under the Christmas tree
Hold the mistletoe don't tempt being naughty
The Christmas feast waiting only to prepare
baking cookies and pies smells of holiday cheer
Soon family will arrive the house comes alive
December the nineteenth Christmas so far yet so near
Christmas tunes in the air, carols from the heart
the merriment of reds and greens means the season starts
Candy cane kisses and long lists of kids wishes
Christmas please hurry we'll burst our britches
December nineteenth anticipating Christmas joy and laughter
Christmas please hurry along
we are being good and staying strong
For a sigh of relief December 26th when it's the day after
Down in the crypt where the caskets lie
And dust stirs up when trucks go by
Giggling sounds, not moans and groans
From the tomb of Skelton Bones
When the trucks go by no more
No light peeks beneath the door
Bony feet on an ice cold floor
Skelton Bones inspects his claw
Skelton Bones was a pirate, old
Sailed the seas in search of gold
His right hand by a dragon took
Now its claw is Skelton’s hook
Once, he’d dressed in silk and cotton
Skelton’s clothes are long since rotten
All that’s left, a belt and buckle
And his hat which makes him chuckle
He’s Skelton Bones; a pirate, nude
But not intentionally rude
He says, “Ahoy!” in pirate tones
That’s the sound of Skelton Bones
But now he has a yen to be
Once more sailing ’pon the sea
Been too long; three hundred years
Skelton calls his buccaneers
When the door creaks open wide
Ghostly pirates lurk outside
But with no seas to sail nearby
Skelton’s ship takes to the sky
Hear that Jolly Roger flap?
Or the canon hatches clap?
Keep a firm hand on your riches
Or he’ll steal them… and your britches
And as he rides the clouds and skies
A crew, undead, that never dies
In Skelton’s wake the east wind wails
It’s in his bones and in his sails
He felt self conscious, insecure,
Inadequate and most unsure.
He looked upon the night with dread,
For he was unadept in bed.
He thought it all was in his pants,
And feared he could not do the dance;
And then he saw it on T.V.,
With insane grin they touted "V".
It would make him a super man,
And she would be his biggest fan.
So off he went to the pharmacy,
To buy a box, or maybe three.
He popped a pill and to his surprise.
It grew before his very eyes;
So he took another just for fun,
He over dosed and was undone.
The paramedics laughed out loud,
When they saw how he was endowed.
He was too big for his britches,
And it left them all in stitches.
"My God!" the doctor said entranced,
It looks just like a big egg plant.
We're gonna have to drain that thing,
So hang on tight it's gonna sting.
Our hero learned his lesson well,
Though he had to go through Hell.
Though some think the stuff is grand,
Viagra does not make the man.
(the person depicted above is fictional and any similarities to real persons living or dead is unintentional)
Will there ever be total peace in the world
Or am I just a silly old goon
As long as loonies want more than their share
Even want a piece of the moon
Good people of earth will forever resist
When countries get too big for their britches
And want much more than they're entitled
Like a bigger share of the world's riches
They risk the chance of destroying our planet
Destroying it for their own greedy plans
They can't be allowed to accomplish their goals
The future of mankind is at hand
These brutal subhumans must be stopped at all cost
Their plan is usually world domination
Sound familiar? Reminiscent of World War II?
Must avoid the same contamination
So with the time I have left of a wonderful life
What a fitting climax it would be
To wake up one morning before getting the call
Finding all world's people are free!
© Jack Ellison 2015
Meet the man of the hour,
The scourge of the town.
Born atop an ivory tower,
But cast all others down.
Daddy went from rags to riches,
By the sweat of labor's back.
Was inherited by young britches,
After suffering a heart attack.
Up he climbed the social ladder,
To rub elbows with the gentry.
Every day grew a little madder,
After denying him his entry.
With empty soul and ego full,
Bought counsel fraught with sin.
Selfishly then used his pull,
To bribe some to let him in.
Once inside, he forged a plan;
As the Master of Disguise.
Corrupting every thought of man,
With a cunning set of lies.
Perpetuated on the daily news,
The seed of doubt had spread.
Convincing many of his views,
Is how dissembling was bred.
Now a Nation's torn apart,
You can still hear his laughter.
The Richter scale is off the chart,
No telling what else he's after.
As a child, on summers night,
from his supine position on a pallet,
"Britches" gazed at the stars on high.
Stars, that seemed to waltz about the heavens
like fireflies in a far away land.
As to their purpose, and how they hung-he wondered.
On other nights, not so unlike that one,
in the stillness he'd counted the sound of Locusts',
croaking Toads, or an occasional Owl.
On that night as he stared into the Heavens,
he had sensed there being more
than just this "Boogie Man" of which threatened when bad.
So, as he lay that night,
troubling thoughts began weighing heavily upon his mind.
Thoughts like why people had to die
and where do they go if not to the Cemetery?
Of a separation from his parents and siblings.
He began to conjure up visions of eternity
and of his fate if suddenly he should die.
For "Britches" This was the beginning of his reasoning, that Hell,
must be more than a word his father occasionally used,
and Heaven must be more than just a place for stars to appear.
"Britches" no longer lay among familiar sounds,
For on that night, the silence had been broken by a new sound,
the bleating of one small lamb.
Britches to shirt tails
in pigtails not pony.
She's Pippi the Longstocking,
her legs long and bony.
With raspberry lips
been parched by the sun.
Suspenders jacked up
to not come undone.
Her stitches to patches.
The clothes for a Jester.
Her uplifting laughter.
A fashion that's blessed her.
With red raven hair
and freckles to match.
Her teeth buck in front
on jaws for a latch.
Long stockings to thighs
and on past the knees.
Both comfortable wearing
and no-one to please.
A spunnk little child.
with cheeks boldly out.
She's Pippi Longstocking!
Let's all give a shout!
Go Pippi! Go Pippi!
from your smile to your laugh.
You're the girl with stockings
pulled over her calf.
What Putin Had to Say
By Franklin Price
9/27/2015
It was so very interesting
What Putin had to say
In a 60 Minute interview
That was aired on TV today
Very pointed questions asked
I thought were answered well
More honestly than expected
I was impressed the truth to tell
Wasn't like our politicians
Who mostly give a song and dance
Sounded like his answers honest
That he's the one who wears the pants
Perhaps our present candidates
Could find a lesson there
Would not be caught with britches down
Showing their underwear
Answer questions when they're asked
Straight not sounding like a lie
And they might just rise up in the polls
For the post for which they vie