A wise-cracking tourist in a Greek art gallery
heckles the curator with each irksome inquiry:
Why do the healthy, muscular gods and demigods
who are supposed to be straight and sturdy like steel rods,
often appear softy, unmasculine and are shown
wearing skimpy, see-through, draping clothing they've outgrown?
Why do they recline or fight in poses effeminate?
Zeus gingerly picking a thunderbolt from a plate;
Ares, god of war, about to strike a lethal blow
with graceful wrists, dainty fingers and a ballet toe.
Why does Apollo stand like he's just smoothly curtsied,
and Achilles waltzes through a combat he fancied?
Why is Prometheus naked as he steals the gods' fire
as Poseidon sashays through the waves with mute desire?
The irked curator says it's not her obligation
to fill the gaps in the tourist's art education!
Many arts there are but none
More difficult more painstakingly done
Than the ancient art of chewing gum
Describing process of the work's refinement quite impossible
Sculpture gum's a fickle medium
The chewist must he have fine teeth
Incisors sharp mind's-eye like a needle
Molars jut like rubber stamps
To print clear patterns like a map
Teeth crucial though they are
The tongue is more important far
Its tip must narrow to a point
The rest be thin to roll its middle
Fold a deep red floor within
But then we only talk of tools
Our sculptor must he gentle be
And to a sensitive degree
A nervous mouth in one who drools
Will melt a form create debris
Gum sculpture's not for active men
One sits one flips so carefully
To chew's disaster don't you see
Coughing? Spitting? Burping? NO!
Don't get lost in a picture show
The ancient art of chewing gum
Drove one man to use a gun
His work was perfect done with ease
A bust of rare complexity
But then this sudden tragic SNEEZE!
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