Exculpatory Poems


Premium MemberSome Banking Hanky Panky

A sweet young bank teller named Doris
Had a crush on her co-worker, Boris.
But one day while at work
The young clerk went berserk
When she caught Boris banging the manager, Morris.

Doris' secret admirer, Dan Danson,
Was swarthy, tall, and roguishly handsome.
But the next day while at work,
This clerk, too, went berserk,
Took an ATM hostage and held it for ransom.

Dan was embarrassed, didn't want to be caught,
And was going to shut himself up in the vault,
But Boris told him to run,
While Morris called 9-1-1,
And Doris flatly declared that it wasn't her fault.

When the S.W.A.T. team arrived on the scene,
They found everything calm and serene.
Boris told the S.W.A.T. captain that Dan
Had taken both Doris and Morris' van
And fled with the cash from the money machine.

Doris' version, when caught, was more exculpatory
And dripping with details more lurid than gory.
She'd plotted with Dan to create this diversion
To rescue her from that den of perversion,
And now Boris, and Morris, and Doris, and Dan
Are suing each other for the rights to the story.
Categories: exculpatory, humor,
Form: Light Verse

Premium MemberWhen It's Time To Pay the Piper

When It’s Time to Pay The Piper

When it’s time to pay that infamous character known as
“The Piper” and then, to face “The Viper” at the end of
one’s life, it shall behoove thee to make sure that thou hast
all of the necessary pleadings and exculpatory notions and
the reasonings at hand, in the hope of a divine intervention
from the angels in Heaven, since “The Viper” by legend
hast that noxious-nasty strike and sting in the Devil’s own
tradition, and both shall bring thee swiftly to the front of
Death’s Door whereby, Death’s immediate and compelling
grip is at once flash-quick and flash-fatal, which is not at all
merciful in the end. One’s immortal soul may be at risk too!

If thy exculpatory and most humble pleadings do meet,
perchance Heaven’s angelic standards, then thy immortal
soul shall be safe and sound in Almighty God’s kingdom.

Deus miseratur. Deus vobiscum.

Amen. Amen. 

Gary Bateman, Copyright © All Rights Reserved
December 10, 2018 (Narrative)
Categories: exculpatory, allegory, analogy, death, evil,
Form: Narrative


One, For Your Mockingbirds

Their long arm of his law standing about peering at her child
Destitutes public pretender having fully cooperated with the states
Aspiring district attorney this peoples hopeful in future high court justice ?
Divulging as much exculpatory evidence for their mark as they held over cocktails
Choking while accepting the fact that there was no way out of premeditation's maze judicial's
Billionaire boys clubs prehensible prairie dog gauntlets; ecocide's, florist in flotsams barbaric bonds....
Wall street sky rocket puppets; as his judge slams love's gavel down foaming at their mouths another, life.
Categories: exculpatory, abuse, allusion, analogy, love,
Form: I do not know?
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