my dogs love their midnight snack
I toast each of them two slices of bread
tear it up, put it on a large dinner plate
melt each of them a cup of butter
not margarine, only the best for my dogs
I saturate the toast in butter and add a bit of meat and cheese
It is kind of like a dog pizza, and they have gained a bit of weight
no one knows why
the vet asks me what they eat
dog food, I say
I was a self-admitted misanthrope
unwilling to lose or drop a case.
I often threw a rope-a-dope
just to win; I never lose face.
I worked the dark streets
for dark, and even darker, clients
while the cops walked their beats,
shadows showing giants.
As far as I was concerned,
they were all a bunch of losers.
They were bad; they’d get burned.
The lot were boozers or bruisers.
I had caught a difficult case
The man was stabbed and shot.
He deserved it; he was debase,
but the perp would be caught.
The lawyer was my client,
he was dirty; the worst he could get.
Damn, he was mighty defiant!
Still, I didn’t think he did it.
He had no motive, but also no alibi.
So why were the cops after him?
He was a jerk, but had no reason to lie.
But for him the outlook was grim.
I might have to pummel every john
on the streets to get to the truth.
It wasn’t unpleasing to use my brawn
and I was a hellava good sleuth.
I’d search every city block.
I’d find the filthy little perp.
I’d find the lowlife and knock
the truth out of the twisted twerp!
26 August 2022
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Public Speaking
Public speaking made me nervous when I was in school
Getting up in front of class, I always lost my cool
I memorized my speeches and really knew them well
But between my brain and lips, things just didn’t jell
Here are a few examples with embarrassing details
“Saving whales,” I meant to say instead of “waving sails”
And when one wants to talk about “battle ships and cruisers”
His audience will likely laugh at “cattle ships and bruisers”
It shouldn’t be as hard as jumping a high hurdle
To say “hypodermic needle” not “hypodemic nurdle”
And certainly one understands that a “well-oiled bicycle”
Will last a whole lot longer than a “well-boiled icicle”
During school it seemed likely I’d been “wasting two terms”
Still, a whole lot better that “tasting two worms”
So compared to public speaking, writing is the “fun part”
More dignified that expounding on the latest “pun fart”
SPORT
Seven centuries ago we'd send our men out the back door
Pushing shoving kicking is the sign they need a war
Or at least a good old brawl down at the local bar
Racing with that joy they feel when all beat with bruisers
Trailing bloody clothes and tales of the guy who was the looser
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