What’s gone wrong with Granddad’s dong, it used to be so long
Once the length of Granddad’s dong made Gran burst into song
His dong would go throughout the night, to Grandma’s sheer delight
And Grandad’s dong and Grandma’s song would brighten up each night
But now when Grandma wants a dong, my granddad grasps his mallet
It’s very old and feels like it’s made from a wooden pallet
He grasps it with both hands and Grandma yells, “Just swing that sucker!
Remind me how you swung it round in your best bib and tucker.”
So Granddad grips it in both hands and swings for all he’s worth
He hopes to get a lengthy dong and not just Grandma’s mirth
Granddad couldn’t tolerate another dong that’s dud
And so he whacks his mallet hard, which makes a dull, flat, thud
But Grandma said, “I see what’s been occurring with your dong,
And why of late your dong has been a little less than long.
A dull dong cant reverberate, a dull dong can’t play long,
It’s no good up against the wall; you should have hung that gong!”
Poor Humpty Dumpty was a numpty when he fell off the garden wall
His poor old ma went bananas, told me to buzz off when I call
Guess I better sit on the shelf otherwise I’ll go completely nuts
I ain’t gonna take no stick from that mangy old bunch of mutts
I’ll get myself a fix of chocolate cos I could do with a little lift
But I’ll end up with a spare tyre, that blubber I’m gonna have to shift
I’m feeling so blue and sad today the gremlins are in my life
Perhaps I better go for a stroll or I’ll get an ear bashing from the wife
Maybe I’ll see some dickie birds or a cute fluffy little bunny
If I see their lil’ bob tails, oh man they look so darn funny
Next I'll grab the old gal some chox and a nice bunch of flowers
She’ll be putting on her war paint, boy that can take some hours
Now I’m gonna sit on the fence and try and get a little rest
Got my best bib and tucker on - I’m dressed in my Sunday best
Contest- Colloquialisms – Sponsor Laura Leiser
07~19~15
Looking for the formal definition, structure, and history of this poetry form? Visit the Poetry Dictionary entry below. Then return to explore how PoetrySoup members bring the form to life through their own poems.