Best Tories Poems
False promises and bold faced lies
From leaders we call men,
Too foolish, vain and unwise
It’s the election blues again.
Feign to believe the web they weave
With patient ears we listen,
Future balanced if they achieve
From deceitful eyes teeth glisten.
In principle, fate is our blame
Yet in our selfish pride,
Our judgment shadows woeful shame
Behind scapegoats fail to hide.
Ballot fiends they all may be
Watching poll numbers, plus or minus three,
What will their victory bring to me
After January twenty-three.
Subsidized youth sports, gun control
Child care dollars galore,
A policy a day, and truth be told
Campaign gifts are a chore.
What matters East-West-South ‘n North
Is that we get it right,
While opponents bicker back and forth
By cable, bus or flight.
Success depends on unity
Without it we’re a wreck,
While one side suffers mutiny
The Grits give Tories heck.
The separatist Bloc` says “Let us go”
Demanding sovereign freedom,
White margarine and one-tongued-signs
Does Canada really need them.
The answer is, quite simply, oui`
We cannot tear apart,
Instead, honor all with dignity
And make a brand new start.
While men debate with pointed fingers
On issues big or small,
Our neighbor’s fear of terror lingers
With plans to build a wall.
Five billion they shall not relinquish
While bring East to peace,
Infernal war fires ne’r extinguish
Diplomacy for lease.
Denying partnership in war
To Iraq we didn’t go,
And up in space where eagles soar
Again we said “Oh no”.
Canada is not the States
Their future is not ours,
While Bush comments on us, berates
His future quickly sours.
When we look back upon these days
In golden years of life,
Will mirrored lakes obscure with haze
Too thick for sharpened knife.
Or does the future hold great treasure
For Canadians, one and all,
With strength and courage beyond measure
Winter, Spring, Summer and Fall.
Like years before, each voter chooses
With hopes and dreams of change and glory,
But in the end there’s winners and losers
Different writer, same old story.
Scott Goldsberry
December 30, 2005
Categories:
tories, history, peace, social, future,
Form:
Free verse
Once a
jolly Drongo sat on
the riverbank,
sucking Go-anna eggs
till it brought
insanity,
oh he tried a bit of
thinking,
but his mind was
just a blank,
Fourex beer he'd be
a drinking,
But the Kiwis' are
owning that
so he chewed on some
burnt Damper,
and drank some Billy
tea,
and thought about
the master,
and his obscenity,
bloody torys on a
working class
attack,
15 thousand in
Queensland got the
sack,
sacking Nurses,
Doctors, closing
bush hospitals a
fact,
advertising lies on
tv, “we're fixing
hospitals' ole
chap,”
but all two faced
tories, do agree,
a fixing debt is
bloody good for
thee,
get crippled or
sick, you'll feel
the smack,
when Medicare is
dead? and the poor
die back!
just like the first
war slaughter,
when they killed off
humanity,
march into the nice
machine guns,
are you bloody
cowardly?
but slaughter bloody
slaughter does
attract,
the monkey morons
will attack,
for any cause they
can find, it ought
to be?
and greed is taking
over, don't you see?
It will affect the
poor tory, alas &
alack?
And the fat toads
are laughing,
laughing,
sucking cigars on
the track,
“And the rich are
getting richer and
the poor a
certainty?”
so do you like any
part of that?!?
Don Johnson
........... Drongo
is dumb Aussie bird
Categories:
tories, adventure,
Form:
Ballad
What the Butler Heard
Extract from a memoir
Lord Illustrious Penge of Lampwicker Hall,
Welcomed local Toffs, to his Name-Dropper ball.
Noses upturned with a touch of conceit,
Hob-Knobbing with gentry and gentleman elite.
Colonel recalled, his luncheon with Churchill,
Discussing backbenchers and a new Commons bill.
Shooting down Stukas, Captains claim to fame
“We had no choice Sir, Hitler started the game”
Lady Bell and I, champion ballroom dance,
After meeting Fred Astaire, purely by chance.
I worked with Crosby, taught him to Croon,
Just as well really, he couldn’t sing in tune.
Rupert went to school with Dame Vera Lynn,
and starred in a war film with Anthony Quinn.
Mortenson served, in old Atlee’s Cabinet,
Roberta was a Barrister when they first met.
Bradman hit this Six, into the members stand,
Luckily, I caught it, stretching out one hand.
I got a hole in one, on the sixth at Upper Plumb,
Sir Monty looked aghast, utterly struck dumb.
Sent my son to Eton, toughen him up a tad,
Hopefully play at Flanker, just like my old Dad.
Got myself a Cadi’, drives like a dream,
Shiny sleek and black, trim of vintage cream.
Gielgud and Guinness, met me at the Royal,
A script for their new play, Rich Man & Toil.
Later with QE2, after receiving my MBE,
She asked my opinion, of the shows on BBC.
I stayed at base camp, nursing a busted leg,
Hilary splinted it up, with rope and spare tent peg.
Spent some time in Burma, till the Japs came in,
Came home to Blighty, temper wearing thin.
I was at the Oval when Hutton hit 364,
England posted 903, a record breaking score.
In service with his lordship, so many stories,
Serving champagne to upper class Tories.
Tales might be true, just a little overstated,
Like the one that got away, typically inflated.
They were rather pompous, but often kind,
Especially the ones, left with half a mind.
Get me a stiff one Walters, Champers is gassy,
Just Lords way, sounding snob and brassy.
Then I won the football pools,
Bought my wife a gem,
So now I am a gentleman,
Just like the rest of them.
Categories:
tories, character, england, humor, satire,
Form:
Couplet
Jeremy Corbyn, with his guilt free smile, conscience clear eyes, he’s definitely the one for me,
JC, the current democratically elected leader of the Labour Party,
I have absolutely no choice but to vote this great man,
As I truly believe he can save us in this very troubled land,
A change is needed from the current status quo,
As the Blairites and the Tories are ruthless and above law,
And without any change it all just stays the same,
No money or care for the old, the poor, the ill, or the lame,
Now all you good people get behind him as he needs you,
Because the right side of Labour are actually Tory blue,
Now’s the chance to really get the party clean,
Now’s the time to stop the evil and abhorrent war machine,
A great chance to start looking after our own,
And a great opportunity to stop the random killing drone,
They say he’s not a leader and totally unelectable, how wrong can anyone actually be,
He’s anti war anti fracking and pro renewable energy,
He’s the most electable man I’ve ever seen in my entire voting life,
And I’m right behind him…but without the backstabbing knife,
The others have all shown their true colours by supporting war,
Well I’m with Jeremy on this…and want war no more,
Jeremy Corbyn, he’s the one for me,
JC, Leader of the Labour Party
Categories:
tories, betrayal, england, leadership, peace,
Form:
Rhyme
Social Injustice
Purging Purgatory holds a few,
of numb nuts on the planet,
reprobates could make you spew ,
like a bloody half baked Gannet,
social justice is sinking low,
where the LNP does rule, [ tories]
careful how your words do go,
incorrect-u-mundo, bloody fool,
National party in the bush,
In the likes of Longreach town,
Wear the Drover Moleskins, pants, the push,
And blue shirts, come to frown,
Drive on past the local cafes and stores,
In their big ole four wheel drives,
Out to the Airport, bloody sure,
How Sir and Mister [class] survives,
Cotton came to Cubbie station,
Now owned by the great Chinese,
I was there on the woodheap yeah,
When class distinction had some freeze,
Jackaroo & Manager, sit in the dining room,
Station hands, into the kitchen creep,
But we are cool,
with the Aboriginal rule,
Eating:
On the woodheap,
down with the sheep,
For we are the despised working class,
The brainless as a sheep,
Swallow lies and propaganda, alas,
Pawns of the super rich, come cheappppp :}
Don
Categories:
tories, adventure,
Form:
Ballad
Rhythm and Train
This is my train, going to work
Stand by the door, not by the jerk
Sardines again, no seat to find
People and noise, clogging my mind
Edna has gout, crippled with pain
Barry and Sue, now live in Spain
Percy has died. Thought he looked ill
Trees rolling by, Sheep on the hill
Odour of weed, somewhere near by
Look at the clouds, dirty black sky
Child starts to cry, know how he feels
Here comes the guard, clicking her heels
Station stop one, more piling in
Old Girl near me, smelling of Gin
Stood on my toe, sorry my dear
Always like this, squashed up in here
Can’t get a job, Tories to blame
Tom got the sack, Dole queue again
Last nights’ TV, nothing but crap
Girl on a bench, kissing a chap
Station stop two, squeeze in one more
Young gothic boy, sat on the floor
Went to a gig, saw Peter Kay
See you next week, have a good day
Joey got bail, lucky I guess
Trouble with Dawn, she knows what’s best
Meeting at nine, I will be late
Man on a roof, fixing a slate
Workers depart, Station stop three
Looking around, seat becomes free
Is this bag yours, can I sit down
Ali and Roy, shopping in town
Woman across, very short skirt
Man in the isle, spills on his shirt
Wait at the points, one more delay
Meeting at nine, really, no way
This is my train, going to work
Station stop four, there goes the jerk
Falling asleep, head starts to drop,
Panic awake, just missed my STOP
Categories:
tories, humor, i am, journey,
Form:
Rhyme
BRITISH POLITICS
I did well not to get involved with politics;
I saw through local councillors
With their holiday homes in the Highlands.
I gave New Labour the slip and went canvassing
For the Love Spirit.
Like Big Ben, I looked down on Westminster
Politicians; I wouldn't give them the time of day.
I didn't complain when the Tories
Lost all their seats in Scotland
I didn't take the matter up with the Ombudsman.
I didn't get into a hansom cab with Disraeli,
I passed the House of Commons obliviously.
Like the monarch, I took no part in constitutional affairs.
I didn't read Politics, brothers! I read mystics:
St Theresa of Avalon, St Francis of Assisi;
Wind in trees
Moss on stones
Herbs in pots
I found a writer's hut, a path to the fairy dell;
I have fairy wings I won't give up.
The Fair Ones made me Clairvoyant Laureate for 2003.
I was awarded The Diamond Talisman,
A hidden gem of rare beauty.
Now the Green Party are after me!
I didn't go on the Peace March in Glasgow,
I just pushed through the crowd to Borders bookstore
And had a coffee with Hans Christian Andersen.
I've done well not to go into politics,
I'd only make a fool of it
Like Screaming Lord Sutch;
I dropped a poem into a ballot box once,
A vote for Robert Burns - I did that much!
Categories:
tories, humor,
Form:
Narrative
The world is run by tyrants who don't really care
Like the Cameron's the Clinton's the Bush's and especially Tory Blair
These warmongers ruin lives and destroy communities
And they all should spend life in prison doing toilet duties
People are coming together realising where it went wrong
United in solidarity is what'll make the people strong
We need to keep up the momentum and push for fairer times
And stop the evil Tories committing heinous crimes
Because under the current Tory rule it's caused a lot of pain
Theresa May and Hammond I look down on in distain
Giving tax breaks and subsidies to their Etonian chums
While offering the poor and vulnerable only loose change and crumbs
So why do we accept homelessness and foodbanks today
While the rich quaff shampers on luxury yacht's far away
Because under the current system it only benefits a few
So people need to suffer and that includes me and you
The world is run by tyrants who don't really care
Like the Cameron's the Clinton's the Bush's and especially Tory Blair
These warmongers ruin lives and destroy communities
And they all should spend life in prison doing toilet duties
Categories:
tories, corruption, humanity, political, poverty,
Form:
Rhyme
Everyone is struggling, in debt and dismay
Why would anyone consider voting Theresa May.
Answers a question with a question
She'll say what she needs to, to win her first election.
She doesn't care about you or me
Tax cuts for the rich that's all you'll see.
Teachers, nurses, doctors all walking the picket lines
They can't do their jobs! It says so on their signs.
Promise after promise the Tories break
We go to a food bank, while they're eating steak.
Brexit needs someone who thinks of the people
Jeremy Corbyn, he isn't another Sheeple.
He'll do what's right and for the good of us all
Vote for the Tories and our freedoms will fall.
Their manifesto is but a piece of paper with a few chosen words
They think we're stupid to follow in hurds.
G4S is how her husband makes his money
The amount of government contracts I don't find funny.
Conflicts of interest one after the other
G4S employees break fingers for her lover.
The economy has hit bottom, we're on the brink
Middle and lower classes budgets are the ones that shrink.
Unless you have 1 million sat in your bank
You'll struggle with bills and its the Tories you should thank.
Big businesses profits and Banksters pay is all that will rise
Tories only care about their wallet size.
Record poverty, not enough teachers or drs this country is upside down
No hope for anyone, they live in a desolate town.
Tories live in their own reality of what Britain looks like
They're partying in yachts, while we can't afford a peddle bike.
There not enough jobs that pay half of enough
Both can be working still life is ruff, silver spoon Tories have never had it tuff.
They'll win this election in the same manner as the last
Fraud, lies, buying off the old or are you forgetting the past.
They'll ruin us all, we'll be at the mercy of the Banksters
Go ahead and give your freedom to the Tory gangsters.
Categories:
tories, allusion, dark, people, political,
Form:
Couplet
The Magna Carta changed the rule of law,
That is, what the law was and who it was for,
From being a simple, dashing validation of the king,
To being about truth, reason and justice free-standing.
The Charter came into existence in 1215 with a rebellion,
Against King John and how he forced his will:
He could seize anyone’s cart, steal anyone’s livelihood,
Take their corn to dismiss whatever self-worth they’d tilled.
The barons and churches were given power:
Rights from illegal imprisonment and theft of money;
The church was allowed to worship and theologise,
Until John was not a legitimate monopolising authority.
However, church rights were only important,
Because in those days God was the small talk;
The conversation point and heartfelt social cause,
Such that religion became the concern of the first clause.
The Charter let ordinary people become,
Individual citizens, equal human beings to the king;
Saved them from their position as submissive servants,
Made them represented, and eventually self-ruling.
It allowed for the charging of taxes,
To raise an army of representative citizens,
Fit for the job of fighting and controlling,
Rather than simply enlisting those who were just willing.
Individualism as a pejorative term,
First appeared in the 1830s from the Owenites;
John Stuart Mill fostered and influenced it greatly,
Such that it's now a non-negotiable fundamentality.
Political governance needs individualism,
Albeit not as much as the tories would say;
Existentialism succeeded it and is implied by it,
Because meaning is your call and not the monarchy’s play.
There were many more Charters after that,
And they all specified the ordinary persons right,
To a fair trial and to state justice yourself,
With your imprisonment being your prison officer’s fight.
Rights and liberties pre-exist their enforcement,
And the original Magna Carta admitted that stout;
Gave people their intrinsic worth as human beings,
Created a people-centred land of devolved clout.
Categories:
tories, community, corruption, god, history,
Form:
Rhyme
we must decide to stop pollution before it to late, natures struggling it won't wait!
misuse of fossil fuel, deforestation, habitat destruction, plastics, failing to recycle is sealing our fate!
that is what the green party environmentalists are always preaching, you bet their fretting!
climate warming, no, climate warning, look, the green party their pants they are wetting!
i will speak on their behalf for they are right, we should all fear!
next general election vote them in, don't wait to hear the tories say, "oh dear"!
labour once a cracking party, still is, check out all it's splits!
most thought it favoured green, with good intent, now a load of silly gits!
lib dems, omg! nearly lost it all, have to get their act together,
in fact, stop acting, live life for real, throw away their tickling feather!
next time, what ever party gets into power must remember the clock is nearing midnight!
were not talking Cinderellas glass slipper, we are talking cinder hell ahs! right!
mass extinction, yep, all seven point three billion in one big puff!
let us not forget all the other fauna, flora, all that stuff!
we can talk parties all night and day, parties talking fun, done!
facing self-destructing, come on, poll lotion, rub it in, life can be fun!
Categories:
tories, pollution,
Form:
Stormzy you aint the dogs Boris
you're just a rapper with a forest
and I promise honest son
the strongest grow an amazon
you're just a woodchuck not Norris
a man should woodchuck Boris
shouting chuck the government
undoubtedly just another chump
and it may seem very drastic
the geriatric made you plastic
because your stature factors
obtainable manufactured
that's factual
you ain't urban raw
more corporate tool.
why are you so frustrated
you made it now tagged to politics
marketing tricks get you rich
from hits you pitch to poor kids
urban representative unscented
do mentally subtracted
hoodie youths attract to this
political track diss
war the Tories with your poor peeps
they buy more your beats
talk about honesty
obvious marketing
tagged on to politics
masses see you exist
hear your hits and make you rich
you're like Tories
growing pockets fill
play poor need more
logics ill.
powerless to a long diss
like Austin Powers piss
grow your roughage
of awful I'm audacious
got pages to go all day Cuz
on your low brow go at BoJo
without mojo what a bozo
then label makers at the Guardian
the Labour paper for retarded men
report our nations a place
where racism takes place
I'll confront you straight to the face
you are racist mate works both ways
stupidity you're chatting
shouting victim
but the cause it happens
don't rally crews through false pretence
they harm and face sentence
justification accepts consequence
make sense bruv,
you gotta stage
you talk to these people
inciting them evil,
you're an idiot with it,
don't group and bigot
powers yours use it there will be unity,
I diss insult but end usefully
I write it down you do too
no race just paper me and you
*Cuz - cousin
BoJo - Boris Johnson
Categories:
tories, hate, hip hop, power,
Form:
Rhyme
Gideon in his high viz vest
Trying his best
To look like those
Who graft for work
Forgetting we have a long tradition
Of this in the North
He doesn’t pass for a man
Who could load a van with 2 by 4
So if he thinks he has fooled us
The answer is no
Gideon, just take your
High vis vest and go
Maggie’s little helper may do well to note
That the North has long since
Had a deep mistrust of you all
If you think we were fooled
By ‘Honest Dave’
The working man’s friend....think again
The pain still exists
From what the Tories did
Back in Maggie’s day
Destroying communities
Denying us a say
Removing our way of life
So Maggie could have her
Unchallenged way
The slow death of the North
Decades of us being poor
Underinvestment and being ignored
From whoever was behind
That Number 10 door
It breaks my heart
When I think of how it used to be
Complete with functioning families
Self-sustaining and working communities
But yet again we are stuck
With the new Tory Dream
Globalisation for all!!
Which destroys us further once more
My home town now looks like during the war
Displaced persons from all over the globe
With little work and nowhere to go
Left to cut our own throats
For low paid jobs
Which have no future at all
Bet you Tories thought
You’d dealt with us
In the North
Long since crippled
Without a voice
No longer a threat to you at all
But the EU Referendum
Gave Gideon and pals
Quite a shock
A kicking I hope
They never forget
Arrogantly thinking
Project Fear meant
The Tories would win again
Just as they want
But in light of the result
I would invite him to redefine
What his PR man said
That The Northern Powerhouse
Was just a good tag line
Anna Archichek
Categories:
tories, political,
Form:
Rhyme
In 2010 just before the General Election, David Cameron promised,
To eradicate the deficit by 2015 and manoeuvre it out of the red,
But now in 2015 George Osbourne the Chancellor of the Exchequer said,
He’d take until 2020 to make it black and put the whole thing to bed.
The tories are rather behind at “finishing the job”, as a stalwart Brit would,
This was the character alluded to who would nicely fit the role,
Of managing the deficit well, efficiently and with maximum speed,
Such that austerity can be justified when we only spending what we need.
The newspapers are saying that it will take another 10 years,
To clear the deficit such that austerity is not on the table, a possibility;
Labour and the SNP advocate a longer time for financial health,
Which would be much better for economic growth and future wealth.
Categories:
tories, leadership, london, money, political,
Form:
Rhyme
They say that life is quiet up North
Amongst the purple heather
But what we always have to do
Is keep an eye on the blooming weather
Politics are now stirring up among the powers that be
For Teresa May is determined that Brexit we will see
'It's no for us' says Nicola Sturgeon, determined that I am
For if the Tories have their way, we'll not even have a dram
So, shout we must, gather together, kilts and sporran ready
For if we don't react right now, Scotland won't be steady
Only today, the PM announced a turn around on the election
So what Scotland has to do right now is show her our big rejection!
Categories:
tories, patriotic, political,
Form:
Free verse