Best Tooted Poems

Imagine if our poop was a pretty pink
Or smelled like a dozen red roses
Beautiful music was heard when we tooted
There'd be no need for holding noses

We'd relish the thought of soiling our whites
To show off a new shade of pink
And proud to fart Ludwig's Fifth...

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Once upon a time there was a pug who's name was Doug.
He wore uggs, and played with slugs.
Doug looked like a bug.
Also doug has a favorite rug.
The pug always dug and sat in a mug.
Then doug took a bath in the tub.
Doug has a friend...

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Fannie Strumpet is a flatulent floozy
With each wiggle her rump lets out a doozy
She blows out so much gas
Foul vapor from her a$$
It's asphyxiating and makes me woozy

Fannie lets 'em rip without hesitation
When I point a finger in accusation
She points hers back at me
and laughs...

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The second house this year to go under in Atlantic City.
This is a scenario that does not look too pretty.
A once venerable establishment will soon be history.
The future of gaming is now obscured with doubt.
In the big crap game of business, they have just sevened-out.
We...

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Same within.Introspection of Sea Change

08/06/2016
Lemuel Griffiths
aka
Lem Gunn




Fiercest of battles above my head,
Same within.
 
Blue battling the grey,
'Never ending turmoil throughout time.

''I coulda' saved her, 
Kept her sane., 

Love is strange'' .., I told him.., concluded, 
The promenade train tooted, I repeated..,
His face didn't change.

I looked...

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 A funny thing happened on the way to the Art Museum, 
I saw a seagull fly above a man wearing a soldier’s beret.
He landed on the arena of the respected Roman Colosseum,
pooped all over the beautiful markings, I knew not what to say. 
I...

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Alien talk I can’t understand
A Pifflewig performed a handstand
He verbalised through his ass
Gross putrid wind he did pass
Like many blokes throughout the land!

I farted, perhaps it was fear
Foul wind was expelled from my rear
The pifflewig boys
Loved my smelly noise
I’m gobsmacked when they start to cheer

They...

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There is a legend of a cowboy down in Texas
To whom they give the sobriquet of Pecos Bill.
It's said he rooted and he tooted
As across the plains he scooted,
Stetsoned, jeaned, bowlegged, and booted,
Pursuing cows and wooing gals
As was his skill.

The story goes one day while...

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"50 Words for Poe: Keys"

He threw the car keys over to her
“Freedom keys babe”, he purred
“Silver Lady’s my girl” she said,

This he understood.

“Freedom keys babe, let’s blow this joint, make a getaway out of this stinkin' Hood.”

"Sure," she said, glancing over at him, throwing flames...

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I once knew a lad who played the cornet
Tooted ‘til he broke out in a cold sweat
He met a strumpet
Who liked his trumpet
He is blowing his heart out for her yet

June 3, 2021...

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12/5/20


Better choose quick
Just might lose if
You don't do it

Awesome or a nuisance
It either was or wasn't in the blueprints
Still a loner, or already shot by Cupid's
Arrow, underneath a sky that is moonlit

They spread lies, but the truth is
Staying sharp or a doofus
Handy or useless
In a...

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Sunrise comes for me
Buildings shade halts it’s progress
Sucky city life


My city sunset
Reflected off the buildings
Awesome to behold


Prey in the city
variety a plenty
Beware the stalkers


She sleeps peacefully
I watch admiring her
She tooted sweetly


Lost is my lover
She lays next to me in sleep
Distance is profound


Here my princess l
Innocent...

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One of the theories I haven't quite grasped
Is quantum physics, it has a tendency to leave me aghast
Now I ain't stupid
Oops sorry, I just tooted
We all must let fly or have a traffic jam in the ass...

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As the day slowly fades into a much welcomed and peaceful night.
   The sound of crickets and bullfrogs serenade me as I turn out the light.
Well I told Jesus a quick summary of the day I had.
   I said Lord I’m...

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A flying saucer landed 
In a farmer's fallow field. 
It had come from far away, 
Beyond Orion's starry shield. 
The aliens were mystified. 
They giggled and they squealed. 

The cows were in the pasture, 
Chewing on their cud. 
They watched the flying saucer 
As it...

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