Best Promotional Poems
Have a million dollar bill in my hot little hands
When I present it to cashiers, they poop in their pants
A promotional gimmick
But ever so realistic
When they threaten to call police, I'm gone in a glance
© Jack Ellison 2015
1. Dimple under left eye, apply air brush.
2. Extend her legs, more voluptuous. Add 4 inches from ankle to knee cap.
3. You know...I'm just not feeling the dress. Do we have one of her in that green strapless?
Men like strapless right?
4. Holy hell! Can we do something about those teeth? Yuck!
5. She needs a glow around her head. Yeah like that, like an angel. Fantastic!
6. Rosy hue around cheek bones needs touch up. She needs to blush harder, like she's
embarrassed about something...something shameful.
7. Final edit, her smile is too big, women that happy don't read magazines...what? Don't look
at me like that!
Et Voila! Our hyper-stylized over-edited fictitious standard of beauty is realized.
Ok society!
Get ready...
Set...
Conform!
(Conformity ensues)
Bonus points! We got a celebrity to do the cover shoot.
(Hey, you can only sell your soul once and chances are she already did it...Christ, stop
looking at me like that!!!)
When she takes home her free promotional copy,
She can hold up our ideal of her side by side with the mirror and think:
"Wow...these images are so different and yet...I sense a strange and *vogue familiarity...
Almost as though...just maybe...they were of the same person...
Huh...I wonder which one represents me?"
*Typo alert! Should be 'vague'...silly me
Restless soccer moms,
whose kittens have all become mature,
got plenty of suburban boredom
Time enough for sure
to get hooked on every advertised lure
As daytime soaps and gossip kitsch
are the mundane, daily double feature
So they buy themselves some
beautiful, youthful promises,
packaged in a slick cardio video
Victoria got some bedroom secrets
that frustrated spouses wanna know
Put the proper promotional letters
in the slotted payment space
Then they sit back and anticipate,
let that warm scented water luxuriate
their uncaged primal thoughts:
That lackluster romantic routine
with the half-interested spouse
has become so very predictable
Mannequin lovemaking so emotional sterile
When expedited delivery late evening come,
they strike their favorite sexy pose,
in their most come-hither revealing clothes
But such meticulously planned foreplay
gets the usual NITM treatment today
This last straw has stirred these tigress spirits,
but not in a good way
When the Good Wives Club start breaking bad,
there’s gonna be divorce hell to pay
Those Ladies Night Out
now grinds to an adulterous sway
Neglected desires are maritally hated,
lost fidelity mourned in Goth black
Intimacy ignored is so cold calculated;
bad math, write digits for call back
Cougars don’t like being domesticated,
coyote ugly do love to run in a pack
Foxy motives ain’t hen house overrated,
passionate predators are on the attack
Suburban lionesses on a stag hunting mission,
got dark jaguar urban jungle keen night vision
Painted panthers on a one-night-stand prowl,
coy cheetahs moving fast with their claws out,
Hot, feral women with cougar pent-up emotions,
are lethal loving leopards with spotted devotions
Passionate predators,
only lascivious hearts dare venture
If you got a taste for the forbidden,
then you got a wish to be eaten
Acronym alert:
NITM
(Not in the mood)
**Poetic shorthand —
Romantic Warrior
Godzilla Dreams
My little dragon is growing up. I do believe he’s just had his first crush.
In his cave with a sign ‘To Enter, Beware’, are Godzilla posters everywhere.
And he talks about her non-stop, all day long, Godzilla this, and Godzilla that.
This morning he mentioned contacting her so…Yes, he wants to bring her home.
Now, this did not make me a happy song, Dragon and Godzilla, together in my yard!
I sat him down to explain, his precious hopes, were only pipe dreams, in any regard.
The only communicating, he had done, is talking to TV screens and horror shows.
The Godzilla he saw, and the Godzilla he’d find… might be two very different kinds.
Like with any kid, this did not go off well, for he packed his bag and flew to Tokyo.
Yep, as you guessed she’s a treasure there… and a great big whooping movie star.
Every time he tried to talk… she blew him off, so as not to disturb, her next photo op.
But suddenly she became very interested in him; he’d be the new bad guy in a film.
She trounced him left, and she trounced him right, but never did he get a talking line.
She pushed him here, and she pushed him there, till he fell hard hurting, everywhere.
The buildings he landed on had sharp edges, till cuts and bruises were his final fate.
Then payment was a single kiss, lack luster at best, yep, a really fake movie star kiss.
As promotional time came around, again, he was pushed away, from every newsman.
Now our dragon is very self-centered you know, so with tears in eyes, he came home.
For days he moped around the house, as we all took turns… trying to cheer him up.
I got him his own photo layout in a magazine, the talk show circuit ruled supreme.
His heart was broken, but he’s a spirited thing, with lessons learned, important things.
What we dream, and what we think, we want, are not always the reality given to us.
He was just glad, to finally be home, and to leave the movies and Godzilla far behind.
He may not be the kindest thing, but he’s loved by all, and here the kisses aren’t fake.
Here, his faults will be tolerated as he grows up, yes HERE, he’s family, to one and all…
He’s back to the dragon, I did know, as we sit at the lake, in time out… What else?
No thanks, was what she first said
A phrase that lingered in my head for days
Wondering whether she meant what she said
My heart was hurting, breaking and aching
Thinking, planning and preparing
to give it another try for the sake of my heart
Changing tact help save situations sometimes
Less talking, more helping and companion giving
Was what I resorted to, and it produced a prestigious prize
She did not admit it at first
But she could no longer be at peace away from my place
And that formed the beginning of the firm friendship
They say the rest is history
But to us the rest was a test of time
And God guided us in times of trials and temptations
We had to part ways in good course
As she went to pursue promotional studies
For a period they thought our friendship will fade
They told her I will move on
They told me she will move on
But none of us moved on
Instead, we finally tied the knot
All thanks to Almighty God
Everyone has a personal hero,
they look up to and adore.
Firefighters, Police Officers
even comic character galore!
Look at our Doctors and Nurses,
who selflessly save our lives.
Or at the unselfish husbands,
who idolize their beautiful wives.
What of our Social Workers who
help children who are in need.
And our wonderful teachers,
who help our children to succeed.
The world has so many heroes,
all worthy of their title indeed.
My hero is the American Soldier,
who ensures that we all are free.
He doesn’t ask for much, nor does
he require a throne to sit upon.
Just an ounce of true appreciation,
is all he needs to bravely carry on.
My hero will fight for causes that
we as some Americans see wrong.
My hero will go away from home,
to a place where he doesn’t belong.
He doesn’t do this for fame or money,
or for a promotional value to obtain.
He does it for this great nation and
all of us dwelling within this domain.
So you see my hero may not be classy,
or wear a tailored suit for all to see.
My hero is loyal and dedicated so all
of us will remain forever FREE!!!!
Astronautics in Reverse Chronology
The Space, 2272 AD
The space race continues among the nation
With astronautics being the eternal passion
Without minding interplanetary discipline
Robotic spacecrafts penetrate umpteen
Leading to inter-galactical contamination
Such a cut throat and fierce competition
The passion soon has become a greed
Among the nations of Sapiens indeed
Biosignatures are soon to be asset
For the ‘blind’ and brainy humans great..1
Typical habitats and biospheres
Are at stake due to many reasons
Invasive species ready to outcompete
With latest techniques fully replete
Let’s devise non-contaminating journeys
Towards the space and its mysteries
Before we curate the soil sample
Let’s honor the alien culture ample
Human spaceflight is an epoch making thing
And space tourism – a new normal amazing..2
Effect of spaceflight on the human body
Has been a supreme subject for everybody
Space habitat is my curiosity extreme
As my cosmonauts study umpteen
Bioastronautics and space pharmacy
Will soon be a regular supremacy
What a new jargon of space my Lord
Let me verse being a ‘spacial’ bard
Space architecture being latest command
Let’s fulfil the universal demand..3
The Earth, 2072 AD
Bountiful become our effort
When folks vie to support
Zooming helter-skelter are shuttles
And we building space castles
As our super shuttle penetrates
Into the space that spread
Future is full of flight
As we yearn for new light
With new rain and sun shine
Wow! Pleasure is all mine..4
Spacescrapers due to migration of sapiens
From countries and continents in billions
Vehicular pollution being root cause
On earth increasing are many cars
Gardens and greeneries like oasis
Have been a rare sight in a way precise
Promotional pics and hoarding
No serious thought on health and hygiene
Cities and metros full of poison
I feel here choked in treason..5
Such a choking experience on earth
Taken away our all mirth
Apartments capitols and concrete
Jungles without trees so pathetic
Shameless ads posing nudely
Driving harsh and so rudely
It’s time to revamp my system
That is named after sphere solar
Knowledge strategically applied
Translates into wisdom wide..6
who are these people?
where did they come from?
of all the aromas in existence, the foul smell from the mouth of an 87 year old man
who has had gingivitis for 32 years
and has had rheumatoid arthritis in his wrist for the past 23
making it difficult, almost impossible to brush his teeth
is unquestionably the most repulsive characteristic of my job.
the bumpy, but crater filled skin that covers majority of guests
shows the degeneration caused by poor nutritional choices
an overall lack of physical exercise,
and a lifestyle filled and toxified with consumerism and media injected promotional poison,
they buy, and buy then buy some more
actually believing that the need the items they purchase
knick knacks, glass coasters, another Friday night dress
more liquor, more cigarettes, more disease,
another pair of shoes, a DVD,
consume, consume, consume
till their souls are consumed with materialistic so called needs
a new belt, more beer, more stress another year
buying things to bring gratification , trying to remove the fear
hats, drugs, amusement parks, comedians
sex shops, fancy cars, impulsive desires,
new computer, new thrill, another method of destruction
years of being killed now can’t even carry on a discussion.
Love is in the lover.
Beauty in the eye of the beholder.
Care in the caretaker.
Baking in the baker.
Emotion in the emotional.
Commercial in the promotional.
Laugh in the comedian.
Leeway in the median.
Nature in the natural.
Serious in the literal.
Adversity in the linguist.
Song in the lyrist.
Pleading in the poet,
and you really should know it,
I write this for humanity's sake,
peace and understanding at stake.
Together is not so bad.
We are all different - why be so sad?
Instead, accept and embrace,
not reject and attempt to erase.
Learning to love each other,
Like sister and like brother.
Instead of putting up a fight.
Now why be wrong, when you can be right?
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IYSWIM IGWS: There’s always a price to pay (TANSTAAFL). HAK XOXO IOH!
Come One!!! Come Alll!!!!
See the unbeievable!!!
It's Tom's Semi-Annual Clearance Event!!!!
No, I'm not selling cars...
I'm not selling furniture....
I'm tossing all the junk I usually just look at and sigh!!!
Garbage, all sorts Of dreck-a-brick!!!
Hurry, best seats go first!!!!
Call Ticketron for Imfo.....(800) tom-bullst!!
First 500 callers get a promotional visit from our beloved Billy Mays!!!!!
So Act Now!!!!
Don't be left out!!!
Promotional surgical masks provided by Deluxe Vacs...
Remember, "If it's a Deluxe, It Really Sucks!!"
Co-writer, cousin "Duke", (Peter Pitrelli)...responsible for the kick-line, oopppsss,
I meant punch-lime....(Duh.!!.. , dis iz watt haponds wehn uoy takie Karat-ee two
long.....)
Somewhere on the hardwood
Play grounders said you were good
Talent agent brought you indoors
They were really fir sure
In between the flashing lights
Gleaming and bright
Loud noises
Drowning out sociable voices
You were able to score
More and More
Traveling to different cites on a promotional sporting exhibition tour
Whether it was taking trains, planes or automobiles
You avoided the defensive steals
Moving a team from the land known for lakes
Franchise success deemed the spectacle not a fake
It was a city nicknamed angels
Fame and fortune façade had no danger
Ad mist the wild fiery glow
“It’s like you know”
A place where shaking ground could make one honestly state ‘it’s time to go’
Two or three points defined the scoring way
Navigating through the polluted gray
All done for contractual pay
For plastic
Making all these baskets
Or was the glamour true
Better than representing the red white and blue
Wearing 76er colors gold medal cool
Freedom has been under the microscopic test
Maybe it was our attitude touting ‘we are the best’
Everybody now sinks field goals in a bubble
Due to health care trouble
Staying six feet apart
Following rules from the CDC chart
Making issue not wearing face masks visiting the mini mart
Taking away life’s trusting fun
Infecting the idea ‘going out and getting sun’
Reported many are resting in peace
Not much word if there are markers acknowledging all the deceased
Many times celebrities were welcomed nice gestures
Acts could be putting on pressure
In the same fashion as an artistic academic coach professor
Remember when getting the open clear lane
During this civil game
Where not bouncing a ball is a walk
Penalized turnover people whisper and talk
Four others work together performing in the show
Passing around this round rock
Skills learned respectfully in friendly competition on the block
Swishing into the nets
Nightly one hundred a team is supposed to get
Sending people home entertained not upset
While flying in the air
Doesn’t matter who taunted the dare
It is what it is
Athletic show biz
I did not let it go
To the relationship we had after the staged show
We both watched the curtain go down
And off to a quiet conversation we were bound
“How does that sound?”
I politely asked
Since it was my gentlemen task
I admired you sitting in a respectable way
Listening to what I had to say
But the hour turned late
Ending our lovely date
We said our goodbyes
Taking separate cabs as rides
Morning soon came
You returned to the TV interview fame
While I continued my bachelor game
Until lunch break
That I did take
Escorted my newspaper
That some said made her
Proclaiming next door fun
When the coffee conversation was done
Reading the tabloid back to front
Checking to see if my sporting team was still in the hunt
I came upon the socialite report
Used to be entertaining when defending my lonely fort
Suddenly I noticed a picture of me
Holding a cup of something was brewing tea
For all to see
“Who was I with?”
A star presented as a winning gift
We both had an engaging look
Tempting the reader with its luring still image hook
Smiling I finished my deli entrée
That I used cash to pay
Then my coworkers started to stir
About my appearance with her
“Call her? Ask her out!?”
Was the unison shout
Taking the advice
Since it seemed nice
Realizing no longer was the situation a donation bid
True feelings were not being hid
Made the telephone pitch
Knowing deep down inside in the future we would be hitched
It took some time
For the romantic bells to chime
Leaving us to embrace
With love on our face
And just in case
You wonder
If that promotional event was no blunder
It truly was a success
When she walked down the aisle in her wedding dress
sanctions by the new world athletic connection.....
with promotional privileges giving
by Nahuel Huapi and Angostura "Distain"
we present "The Most Celebrated Men in the Industry"
.....Bashaw Madcalf and his partner Iguaza !
We liked these men: but everyone here Booed them, they
favored Morning Glory and Midnight Sun
over Bashaw and Iguazu, I found it strange and these were
the good guy's the one's who were more than average and
very popular with the females, the sexy men who found it
easy just being easy. Not here, here they were bad guy's, booed because
they were handsome, jeered because the women loved them.
Someone
told me that Morning Glory was two cupcakes away from being 300 pounds,
and Midnight Sun was too tall to fit in the back of a midsized car, these guy's were huge !
In most places people booed them, not here they were the talk of the town and
were the favorites to win. People thought of there abilities to win and found it more suitable to root for the mass, instead of the bruin.
That engaging voice rings out through the dark
Percolating between bands on the air
Soaring antennas pulse his festive spark
To share his diversion of solitaire
Nestled within promotional urges
Hidden behind that bombardment of sound
Charisma propels his karmic surges
Lifting his influence up from the ground
I bask enthralled within that merriment
As I dial in to win concert tickets
He offers up comfort most relevant
While defeating those tittering crickets
In my young mind I ponder my free will
As I scan future's potential for me
If only I sharpened my emcee skill
My meager voice could expand past the sea
Sojourning over vast hills and valleys
I launch my quest to fulfill distant dreams
Trouncing over boulevards and alleys
With eyes wide open to evade bleak schemes
Every open door now slams in my face
While laughter chases down those marble halls
Dial in massive resolve as I erase
Balance-sheet junkies hiding in those walls
I long for real talk to reach my people
Businessmen wholesale their spirits for cash
That iron tower serves as my steeple
For conquering bright minds in just a flash
So I dial in to the college station
That refractory refuge on my wave
Instead of drowning in dour frustration
Those substantial watts would pump me to rave
Panic shifts to diligence on my show
Where you will always find relevant songs
I hone my craft until I can bestow
That remote rapport that justly belongs