Best Kooks Poems
Moshe, Larry, Curly,
Howls, cries, nyuks;
Three silly comic stars:
Smile, clown -- Cluck!
Chico, Harpo, Benny, Berle,
Moron grins, happy chins;
Crazy nutty comic kooks:
Funny jokes -- egads zooks!
Alvin Ailey, dance gaily,
False teeth: Brush daily;
Silly Sally, Dilly-dally,
Ollie, Holly, Mollie!
Belly flops, fatal plops,
Messy slops, lemon drops;
Harry Caray, Tooth Fairy,
Music Maven -- Chuck Berry.
Pitty-patty, kitty-katty,
Ticky-tacky, Cinci-nnati
Polly-Wolly, Wooly Bully,
Diffy-daffy, Laughy Taffy!
March 22, 2018
Contest entry in "A little laughter five," sponsored by
Edward McCall, closing date - March 23, 2018
Notes: Moe Howard's (of the Three Stooges) actual first name was Moshe.
'Nyuk, nyuk, nyuk' was a trademark line of Curly (3 Stooges.)
Berle is comedian: Milton Berle (aka 'Uncle Miltie').
'Egads zooks' is an exclamation my mother and others of her
generation used to use (frequently).
'Wooly Bully' was a pop song by Sam the Sham and the Pharoahs,
released in 1965; it soared high on the Top-40 charts.
Categories:
kooks, fun, humorous, nonsense, silly,
Form:
Light Verse
I've recorded the song, which you can hear here:
I did vocals and guitar - Sung to the tune of "We Can Work it Out"
What a TV Show
American Idol
There’s so many loonies seeking fortune
and fame
But I’m suicidal
Paula Abdul’s gone and Ellen’s just not the same
What a tv show!
What a tv show!
Some of them have talent
Many more are fruitcakes who love to screech
and howl
Oh so brave and gallant
‘Til they’re subjected to the snide remarks of
Simon Cowell
What a tv show!
What a tv show!
For every Clay Aiken, 10,000 Sanjayas
Are making an awful sound
You’re much mistaken if your burning desire’s
To hear Larry sing “Pants on the Ground”
Can I find a reason
To withstand my co-workers gentle rebukes
Yet every season
I tune in for more zany crazy tone deaf kooks
What a tv show!
What a tv show!
For every Fantasia, 10,000 William Hungs
Eagerly wait in the wings
They’ll amaze ya, these delusional throngs
Tell me why do we enjoy such things?
American Idol
There’s a bunch of loonies seeking fortune
and fame
Think I need a Midol
Good or bad, next year we won’t remember their names
What a tv show!
What a tv show!
For John Heck's "Beatlemania" Contest - The Beatles "We Can Work it Out"
Categories:
kooks, funnywork, work,
Form:
Lyric
A smart *ss hermit,
Sitting on a folly throne.
And he always likes to spit,
Bunch of words in drone.
A culturally-modified mime,
In a shirt that dull boring pinky.
Talking about the punctuation and rhyme,
Insisted on how a poem should be.
Oh dear gray-haired kooks..
The words you say wrapped in hypocrisy.
I might not counted smart in your books,
But at least my words cry it honestly.
Categories:
kooks, funny, humorous, satire,
Form:
Rhyme
Mental illness affects one in four
Yet we still close the door
Terms- crazy, mad, lunatics, kooks
Let’s confine to history books
Images of Bedlam and straitjackets distort our minds
Screaming, shadowy old movie kinds
Mental illness is just another disease
Try kindness and understanding please
Sadly we’re stuck in the past
Old prejudice must not last
It’s time to open the door
Isolation, stigma, shame no more
Categories:
kooks, depression, mental illness, prejudice,
Form:
Couplet
'Tis said that God loves all His creatures great and small.
Here are just a few of them - I can't begin to name them all!
He loves us one and all the whole world wide from A to Z!
His steadfast love is extended to all including a sinner like me!
God loves atheists, alcoholics, bootleggers, bums and Baptists -
Bailiffs, Catholics, conservatives, coopers and capitalists -
Doctors, dentists, democrats, extortionists and Eskimos -
Farmers, fishermen, golfers, generals and hypochondros!
He loves harlots, hypocrites, infidels, judges and jackasses -
Kings, kooks, lawyers, Lutherans, liberals and lasses -
Marines, Methodists, nerds, nurses, oracles and optometrists -
Presbyterians, politicians, poets, pilots and proctologists!
God loves Quakers, quacks, riveters, radicals and ragmen -
Republicans, rednecks, ranchers, reporters and raftsmen -
Sailors, Santa, scholars, scientists, sinners and scouts -
Thieves, tithers, teachers, taxmen, tradesmen and touts!
He loves unbelievers, veterans, villains and ventriloquists -
Widows, xenophobes, Yankees, yuppies and zoologists!
With so many folks to cherish, oft I wonder how it could be,
That He takes the time to love poor insignificant me!
Robert L. Hinshaw, CMSgt, USAF, Retired
© All Rights Reserved
Categories:
kooks, funnylove, , atheist,
Form:
Rhyme
how many years have we got
until there’s nothing left to sell
in this daydream of an insane lad?
all these changes, kooks and supermen
are sinking in a quicksand of Mars
while pretty things rise and fall
there’s a panic in the city
of rock’n’roll suicides,
rebels and diamond dogs
while golden years pass by
from station to station
now we are low on a speed of life
always crashing in this art decade
like heroes of the silent age
so how many creeps of modern love
in the labyrinth of scary fashion
will fall down with the world tonight?
when earthlings are the loneliest
and the stars are out for hours
the next day becomes a wide circle
where Lazarus waits
for Starman to come
*In memory of one of the biggest musicians and artists in the world, the great and only DAVID BOWIE.*
Categories:
kooks, music, tribute,
Form:
Free verse
Usually don't know if I'm coming or going
A confused old dude is what I mean
Even sometimes put the cart before the horse
Makes for an real interesting scene
So now you know, I have finally confessed
Can't keep it a secret any longer
I'm quite a bit different from you other poets
I'm a certified strange kind of author
See things differently than most normal folks
Have a weird way of looking at things
Perhaps you've noticed, never thought to ask
Just the way my pendulum swings
Absolutely happy in this delusional state
Too afflicted to know any better
Kind of embarrassing to tell you guys this
Still known to be a naughty bed wetter
So let's get serious, my P-Soup friends
I'm as normal as the rest of you
Wait, that's not sounding too much better
Think we're all a big bunch of kooks
© Jack Ellison 2014
Categories:
kooks, humorous,
Form:
Quatrain
The Milky Way is millions of pastures
Earth is one of many being tended
We’re but cattle living for our masters
Our purpose we haven’t comprehended
Bred and manipulated our species
From the beginning our own DNA
Altered to create an alien series
For food and labor, then taken away
They created our religious belief
They’re our Gods and Demons, our nightly spooks
A type of monkey we were, with no grief
Now, when we state our fate, we’re labeled kooks
They enabled us to create our state
But we’re the food of Gods, make no mistake
Categories:
kooks, science fiction, food,
Form:
Sonnet
it's a song, but unfortunately can't find the link just now
My Baby Hates True Crime Shows
Copyright Corinne Curcio July 31, 2008
Every night me and my baby fight over the remote
She wants to watch election news
I yawn, "Not now honey
That just makes me snooze
I wanna see Forensic Files, Most Evil and Deranged"
She finds that scary and a little strange
Mutilated, decapitated, look at the brain splatter
I'm totally fascinated
Honey, come and watch
Hey - what's the matter?
But she runs from the room in abject horror
She likes Project Runway not Jeffrey Dahmer
My Baby Hates True Crime Shows
She cries Oh No No No
They have got to go go
It's not fair to me
I'll be having nightmares
From all of these True Crime Shows
Please have pity!
Torture Murder Mayhem, gooey pools of blood
Didn't the downstairs neighbor
Hear the bullet riddled body thud?
One guy gouged out eyeballs
Another sawed off feet
Some kooks cooked up Victim Stew
When they sat down to eat
Sweetheart, don't look Hide your eyes behind a book
Before they show where the headless torso lies
Put fingers in your ears, I don't want you to hear
How that poor old lady dies!
My Baby Hates True Crime Shows
She cries On No No No
They have got to go go
It's not fair to me
I'll be having nightmares
From all of these True Crime Shows
Please have pity!
Categories:
kooks, funnybaby, baby, me,
Form:
Lyric
7/5/21
"Seventh Heaven (007)"
According to local legend
Regarding the Great Depression
And Armageddon
Nearing seventh heaven
Still on that 007
Sent him and her toward hell or heaven
Close to or far from a 711
At approximately 11:07
En route and hot pursuit
Of the root of the absolute
Yet it always leads to a dispute
Staying ready to shoot
If need be leave thee scene and scoot
Many quick to snoop
And toot their own horn or flute
Quick to call another uncouth
Acceptance or rebuke
It's the truth
Not a spoof or fluke
And what they dilute
Able or couldn't compute
Therefore it was a bloop
Since a youth
In and out the booth
Occasionally having a drink with Vermouth
In space with a spacesuit
On earth eating grapes and grapefruit
Had a baseball card of Babe Ruth
As an addict
Still at it
Or gave it the boot
A world full of kooks
Threatening to nuke
The cycle continues to loop
They don't but they should be addressing me as the Duke
But they continue to stoop
Staying solo or in a group
Never really getting the inside scoop
Because they're being duped
Categories:
kooks, dark, deep, life, poetry,
Form:
Rhyme
Some of us are freaks
Some of us are less so
Some of us are geeks
With names like Fark or Bezlo.
Some have winning streaks
Lots of us are losers
Some of us have beaks
Three of us are Hoosiers.
Some of us are kooks
And misfit aberrations
The lucky ones are flukes
Beloved in our nations.
Supposing we are rich
We get to be "eccentrics"
But poor, without a stitch,
We're cranks and lunatics.
Some of us are weirdos
We're oddballs and we're qu**r
We perform our concertos
And then we're out of here.
"Freaks is from my collection
DAISY ZOO AND OTHER PUNK-ASS NONSENSE
(Duck's-foot Tree Productions, 2016) limited to 100 copies,
20 signed deluxe with variant cover and color title page.
Categories:
kooks, community, crazy, fantasy, fun,
Form:
Rhyme
On Halloween, I heard of a guesthouse
advertising stays in a haunted house.
Spend one night, get a year's lodgings for free,
I was sure it was mere hyperbole.
Its decrepit looks failed to frighten me,
so I decided to ask for a key.
And upon opening a daunting door,
my footstep drew squeaks from a creaking floor.
There was no hydro, only an oil lamp,
and the furniture felt filthy and damp.
But I proceeded to explore the halls,
checking out smells seeping out of the walls.
I heard garbled whispers and muffled screams;
the kind of things one hears in nightmare dreams.
A stench was oozing from cracks in the floor,
as I searched the attic spattered with gore.
My heart jumped; when shadows started to shift,
causing reality to bend and drift.
And as fear fuels the panic, I feel,
I'm more and more convinced ghosts are real.
I soon concluded that this wasn't funny;
my life is worth much more than free money.
So I quickly hightailed it out of there;
if that makes me a coward, I don't care.
You can call me nuts, but that house has spooks,
those who've fled there, aren't just a bunch of kooks.
And you'd be a fool to stay past nightfall;
for I've seen things that would make your skin crawl.
Categories:
kooks, 10th grade, angst, anxiety,
Form:
Rhyme
Waken' up to a brand new day. Hitting up the crew to see what's new.
Hitting up the homies. Let's see what they want to do.
As time grows by, the group gets bigger.
Then someone will eventually pull the trigger.
A good idia will lead the way,
and only kooks are left to stay.
As we roll-out in our only cars,
driving high to reach the stars.
Now in this point in time,
we reach the caves and ascend our climb.
Hours pass since we left our start.
Now here comes the best part.
Cracking open the case of brew.
"Here, have some. Take one or two."
Suddenly, here comes a stranger walking our way.
He soon spots us, smoking a "J." "Yo, can I get some? I can pay."
Just come smoke with us. Relax and stay.
The sun then lowers in the sky.
We all now are pretty high.
We begin our trek back to the car.
Having so much fun, we pass the bar.
"Hey, my buddy just got out of the barber."
So we swooped him up and cruised to the harbor.
If I kept writing, I'd loose so much time.
Our lives are too big, for this tinny-ass rhyme.
So now, our story has come to an end.
This is our life. This story I'll send...
Categories:
kooks, adventure, childhood, history, life,
Form:
Ballad
Wherever you roam, in this great big land
Kooks are the happiest, they all have a plan
To shake up the planet
With joy, run the gamut
Kooks unite! If you're one, join the clan
Categories:
kooks, uplifting,
Form:
Limerick
Our town of Newmarket is alive with kooks
Evidence is the number of sillies and spooks
Unusual to be sure
In our brochure
An image of Goofy in a warm wooly tuque
Categories:
kooks, silly,
Form:
Limerick