Best Funnysea Poems
I had all my equipment checked.
Everything was laid out on deck.
We were suited for game.
By the time drop off came
my nerves were totally a wreck.
I went down to the deep blue sea
to see what the sea would show me.
Got the scare of my life,
a fish big as my wife,
and the show in the sea was me.
Back on board I dared any to say
what went on in the sea that day.
Yes, my wife will attest.
She cleaned it her best,
but that suit, the smell won't go way.
May 25 2011 for Carolyn's contest
MAP OF EUROPE - OBJECTUM SEXUAL *
O coastline with cool expanse of blue Atlantic
Your curves and indentations drive me frantic.
Sometimes thrust out peninsularly;
Sometimes studied docilely and scholarly;
Land stretching from White sea and Iberia
To Black Sea and Siberia.
O Europe, my virgin obsession geographical
Is verging on possession sexual.
Other continents are jealous - Africa is so island-poor, so peninsula-penniless,
And of rivers, capes and bays it has many less:
It would give a pretty penny to have just one Iberia, Jutland, or Scandinavia
To excite its smooth coast and other geographic behavior.
Australians would love islands with romantic names Capri Lesbos Rum Eig Frisian
Or an archipelago-infested sea like the Aegean.
South Americans cry themselves to sleep at night because they lack
Such Nordic coastal features as Trondheim or Skaggerak
Beijing would give all the tea in China because she must
Satisfy her desire for an Italian-shaped peninsula, a bootless lust.
Of course Asia feels no envy, for it has kukri-shaped Kamchatka
And the only large island in the world, Sumatra,
Which rhymes with the best singer in the world, Sinatra.
This Map of Europe is something I just have to possess.
My life is incomplete without its caress.
If I didn’t have it, my world would be a mess.
…………………………………………………………………………………………………….
NOTES
1 * “Objectum Sexual” is defined on GOOGLE as erotic
love towards an object of any sort.
2 N. B. This poem is purely fiction
I have booked a holiday,
I am going on a Cruise.
Plenty time to read my books,
lots of time to snooze.
Then to find romance,
meet my ideal man.
All aboard the Love Boat (baby)
For marriage and suntan.
Gonna get my legs waxed,
Bikini line done to.
Then to try to lose some weight
I"ll look brand spanking new!
The Ticket it arrived,
my Brain I tried to rack.
( that I had it all)
In the cases that I packed.
My excitement it did mount
as the date became the day.
The Taxi it will come
and i"ll soon be on my way.
I have never been at sea,
so the question always begs.
Will I feel alright,
upon my new sea legs.
The Love Boat is so good
and soon we leave the dock.
The journey is so smooth
it is steady as a rock.
I party every night,
but never heed the warnings.
To much drink and sea
equals throw up every morning.
But I think it"s great,
that I am ready and i"m able,
to finally meet the Captain
( got the invite to his table)
The big night it arrives
I am dressed up to the nines.
He wont know what has hit him
as he becomes all mine!
Going to get that Captain,
yes that will be my plan.
Turn on the seduction
and I will get my man.
But the Captain is a Women!
I don"t know what to say.
(oh her **** are so much bigger)
It spoils my Holiday.
So the Moral of this story,
Is plain for all to see.
Always check your Life Boy
or He might be a She!!!
The sea holds the sauce of life,
the squiggly-wiggleys of delight.
The shells on shore inspire insight
cooks in kitchens steam on summer nights.
Filling pasta pots with rotini,
pan searing bits of pink squids teeni.
Drizzling pink vodka sauce between the swirls
juggling meatballs for little girls!
So, mimic the sea on my saucy plate
“Pass the rotini! I’ve not ate!”
“See how it looks like a Hasid’s curls?”
Just the macaroni for a Jewish girl!
* A tribute to Linda-Maria's verse Stuffed Shells...