Best Funnycare Poems
It’s funny now
To know the truth
That all you care about is you
Your squinty eyes and sneaky smile
You had a plan all the while
Pretend to care
Say some words
And then not care
Who you hurt
Cause your plan is #1
All others be damned
Your having fun
You pile it on
Cause I can take it
Curse my name
And try to break me
But evil does
As evil see’s
Wait for my plan
It’s a doozy
There's a legion of doc-ologists to keep us on our feet.
A glance in the telephone book reveals a list complete!
Seems there's an "ologist" to care for us from head to wiggly toes,
Prodding, poking and dosing to ease our miserable woes!
Praise the Lord for geront-ologists who care for folks my age,
To ease our minds, hold our hands ushering us t'ward dotage!
Then there are the psych-ologists who meddle in our head.
The practice of the proct-ologists is better left unsaid!
The dermat-ologists who cleansed our faces of acne as a teen,
Now hassle us about slathering ourselves with sunscreen!
I'll never understand how anesthesi-ologists operate off hand,
But I know their potions ease the pain as we relax in la-la-land!
Gynec-ologists specialize in treating ladies' singular ills,
Including that vexatious time marked by hot flashes and icy chills!
Cardi-ologists are vital for keeping us alive and kicking,
Checking aortas and such to ensure our hearts keep ticking!
I'll coin the term "the-ologists" who deal with our languid souls,
Directing our thoughts upward beyond mere earthly goals!
Radi-ologists, ur-ologists, "other-ologists", I could go on ad infinitum.
Lastly, there are cosmet-ologists to pretty us up when we succumb!
Robert L. Hinshaw, CMSgt, USAF, Retired
(© All Rights Reserved)
(this is how I got kicked out of military school. hope you injoy!)
I wasn't a bad kid but dad didn't find me cool
next thing you know I was in military school
Mom sent care packages cookies and mellow yellow
then they were stole in front of me by a senior fellew
with my care box empty it made me sad
without my snacks I got really mad!
so with the next delivery I devized a plan
when nobody was looking I'd piss in the can
I knew that my plan was bold
and waited a day for the can to get cold
he came, he stole, he drank, oh the look in his eyes
I sat there and smiled just to pat-tro-nize
my friends were outside laughing and having a ball
as the senior ran out he puked down the hall
he fummbled around in his vomit on the floor
next thing you know he slid out the door
then I laughed so hard felt the pain in my sternum
and thought to myself "that's gonna learn em!"
by Capt. Mike
Here's a tale about a squirrel named Jeff
That just had a mind of his own
See, the problem was he was lazy
And he just wouldn't leave us alone
Now, he didn't gather nuts for winter
Like all of the other squirrels did
Nope, he waited til we all left the room
Then climb in our cabinet, where he hid
He would eat our planters peanuts
That we bought from the grocery store
We tried everything to keep him away
But he just kept coming back for more
So one day I finally caught him
And I put that rodent in a cage
That squirrel was going absolutely nuts
I mean he was really in a rage
Now, my wife wasn't happy, at all
The way he kept eating all our food
She said," I don't care if it is a squirrel,
He doesen't have to be that rude"
Well, it was getting mighty close to supper time
And I thought, "Where am I gonna put this at?
So my wife said, "Don't you worry about a thing,
Cause I'll take care of that"
So, a lttle while later, she brought the food
And I said, "Hey, what did you do with Jeff?"
She said, "Don't worry, he won't bother us anymore,
Now, eat you meat, and give your regards to the chef"
No Squirrels were injured or eaten during the writing of this poem