Best Coworker Poems
She slips in late, almost every day,
begins her work, though it’s mostly play,
first catches up with her office mates---
every detail, her loves and her hates;
each story repeated several times or more,
to everyone passing her wide-open door;
after some minutes, she grabs up the phone,
most often personal, frequent calls home,
how many messages can one woman take?
Guinness should be called, for heaven’s sake.
Some little tragedy and the drama begins,
so many times, taking all different spins,
each little event spun for more sympathy
in grand scheme to move up the company.
Then acting begins, depending on need
as she maneuvers for additional leave.
How can that be? Can there be more time
left over on this generous company’s dime?
So by morning meeting, is anything done?
Likely not, but she hoodwinks everyone.
“Oh my. I’m so busy. I think I must ask---
someone else here to take over this task.”
Then down comes the boss, and up in a flash,
she’s amazingly quick in the three-meter dash,
“Look here old man, see what I did for the job?”
And in response his weary head starts to bob,
“such a good girl, keep up the great work,”
and we all know she’s angling for a new perk.
“I worked hard at home, for at least two hours,”
she tells the guy who holds all of the powers,
while under their breath her coworkers sneer,
“she doesn’t even work when she’s stuck here.”
After morn meeting she’s back on the horn---
to mother, brother, broker, lovelorn,
not to mention her bevy of needy friends,
to whom her ear she willingly lends.
Now---perhaps---she’ll get some work in,
unless it is time for her daily luncheon.
Scheduled an hour for her time to eat,
but ninety-five minutes she seldom will beat.
And then for three hours in the afternoon,
if she works even one, it will make her head swoon,
although she’ll get up for the middle-day break,
she never misses it, don’t make that mistake.
Finally the day reaches five on the clock,
but somehow she slipped out---with earlier flock!
Do you mind if I use you as a muse
And write a few lines about the conundrum that is you?
Tired and broken you lay in clothes which are worn and torn.
Your heart keeps score as your eyes search for more.
Never revealing too much of yourself. Keeping people at arm's length.
Screaming inside and out as the tides of emotion pull you beneath.
In a panic you forget you can swim.
Disconnecting yourself to a third-party perspective. You has become Him.
Horns out with rage turned up you go about your day.
Chewing up and spitting out all who stand in your way.
I know your heart has a soft spot. At times you act in kind.
At those moments I know you are at peace. No wars raging on in your mind.
Form:
Coworker Blabberfmouth Jim
Coworkers come
Coworkers go
Coworkers work fast
Coworkers work slow
We know less than nothing about them
Unless you work with blabbermouth Jim.
He talks all day long about nothing but him.
He has had six wives.
They are long gone he said.
Some thought they had all gotten sick.
Others thought they were all dead.
Most of them ran off to get away from him.
This tidbit was told to me by his quiet cousin Little Slim
He was late every single day.
Spoke badly of his fellow man.
Kept asking them about his pay.
Lied and cheated, Horman T. Finn.
A good first day, new job? No way.
Yak Yak Yak
Saying less than nothing
Gibber Gibber Gibber
No one hears for we have shut off our ears
Yammer Yammer Yammer
We try to eat in silence
To no avail.
She needs attention, not realizing she is annoying
A brave soul attempts to interrupt
She is new
Not understanding the way this will go
Crow woman glares at her, and talks more loudly
No one else looks up
We learned long ago
Crow woman’s constant banter is her companion
If we try to eat in our rooms, alone, she follows us
The penitence we pay
For working in a grade school
Where most of us only talk to children four hours at a time
Yak Yak Yak I cannot wait to get home to my silence.
You are on a little roll today
I have no idea what he is speaking of
But I know one thing
He is always speaking
Yak Yak Yak
Yuk Yuk Yuk
Yak Yak Yak
Chat Chat Chat
Blab Blab Blab
Gossip Gossip Gossip
Constant blubbering and blathering
You are a wild woman he says
I ignore him
Not wanting to encourage
any more words to come out of his mouth
A coworker stops to talk
Her sister has nine lives
She has died six times already
I have no reply
She gives me the details
All of them a bit worse than the last
Then she mentions her brother.
He has been in prison.
For driving drunk and killing four
Three in another car, and his three-year-old-son
I am horrified, how much worse can this get?
She comes back to give me extra details.
I can barely function now
Terrified there will be another story
I do not think I can take one more
But she has three more; I lock my door and hide.