Best Businesswork Poems
(Background: After I retired from the college some years ago, I decided to take a
temporary sales job at J.C. Penney in the mens’ wear department. The pay was
laughable, but I had never been employed at anything other than a “professional”
job. So I decided it would be an interesting experience to work there for a few
weeks during the Xmas time when they needed extra help.)
Customers We All Detested
By Elton Camp
Mrs. Moneybags comes in every few days
All us clerks just hate her disgusting ways
Tons of clothes she removes from the rack
And never ever does she put anything back
Her reply when her own daughter had a fit:
“The workers do it. They don’t mind a bit.”
When the pompous dame finally left the store
It took us an hour and sometimes even more
There was a teenage boy, came in every week
Always it was a cash refund that he did seek
With some pals’ receipt clutched in his grasp
While long-worn clothes and shoes did clasp
We all told him that we didn’t deal in resale,
He always went to the manager with his tale
The boss never backed us protecting the store
Each time he walked out with money as before
Another customer was big, ugly and very fat
Little we sold would possible fit one like that
This shoplifter had a very greedy, sticky hand
And from entering the store had been banned
She came in anyway and nothing we could say
We had to walk along with her in every display
So she wouldn’t steal, we had to directly stare
While the shameless thief retuned an angry glare
And a filthy man who of body odor did reek
Came in, a package of underwear to seek
The next day he asked his money we remit
“I tried these on and they really didn’t fit.”
Perhaps the employees’ biggest peeve
Customers who at closing won’t leave
Flashing lights and announcement on PA,
But still the big jerks will continue to stay
We weren’t allowed our registers to close
Until the store cleared of folks like those
We wondered what they’d have to say
If we went to their work and did that way
I did my agreement to work until New Year
After that, I must quit I had made very clear
My experience with the “real world” was fun
If offered it again, very quickly away I’d run
Robert Was Outraged When He Got Fired
By Elton Camp
Following office routine Robert did hate
Almost every day he would come in late
Then before starting the work of the day
A half an hour, on his computer he’d play
The work that he did the boss had to expect
That a good bit of it wouldn’t be done correct
A good work ethic Robert surely did lack
Personal calls on the phone he’d often yak
And he thought that it was just perfectly fair
For him to take a nap at his desk in his chair
Customers complained that he wasn’t polite
And talked to them with contempt and spite
And Robert just loved to pull his little trick
The day after a holiday he would call in sick
Seeing him often sneaking early out the door
Boss finally said, “Go and come here no more.”