You've Been Sanctity Claused

I was a potato type of guy, forget the cookies and carrots, didn't believe in Santa nor Cinderellas with golden chariots . Twas' late at night as I crunched my chips I watched TV lo and behold what did I hear ? a large thump and a humf, coming from the chimney, Oh Dear ! He stomped and he clomped then he said to me, " You live like a pigster and where is your sister ? clean up your place, what the Hee! " He held up a sock and my heart went KerPlunk as I watched him remove all my favorite junk... He then gave me a card that was both soft and hard dipped in gold. It was lanced with a sweet magical stance. He then waited and hummed as he Jingle Belled some "It's time for my pension" he said, then he paused. "Guess what ol' chap, you've been Sanctity Claused !"