You’d be dead without me
Sophomore year, arguably one of the worst years in a teenage life.
I met you when i was at my lowest, innocence being challenged.
You preyed on that.
You broke me in so many ways you refuse to see.
I saved you, in my bathroom, throw up from a Percocet all over you.
I held you, i comforted you, i held you down when you didn’t want me to.
A 15 year old shouldn’t be helping a 17 year old drug addict in secret.
WE weren’t good to each other, I’ve acknowledged that you haven’t.
I’ve apologized, you haven’t.
You take me for granted because you have this perfect little rich girl that makes you forget where you came from.
She wasn’t there when you were dying.
She has the version of you i made.
I tried to be nice before i donated everything away, asked if you wanted it.
You sent your little rich girl to tell me I’m obsessed.
Yeah I was and am mean but you created that. I’m trying to better my life.
You’re still going on benders.
You’re still burying your pain in the little rich girl, on the mattress i gave you.
I’m trying to get out of the rotten chokehold you had on my mind and my soul.
I don’t hate you, i don’t love you, i don’t even care about you.
This is me realizing you didn’t deserve me.
Which in turn you didn’t deserve to live.
I hope years down the line, when you’re as miserable as you made me.
You’ll stay awake staring at the ceiling.
Thinking about me in either hate or love.
You realize what you’ve done to me.
You realized everything i did for you.
While I’ll be soundly sleeping next to my wonderful husband to be.
You made me scared of love, of connection.
We had a bond where we couldn’t leave each other for a while.
But trauma bonds don’t always last forever.
I hope in another universe i never met you, so you’d never have the chance to rot something that was only trying to help you.
And i hope you’d be the one rotting in a secluded forest like how you told me you’d do it.
You didn’t deserve all the women before me.
You’ve killed people, literally and figuratively.
I hope karma comes for you, and it will.
But in this life time you have to live with that guilt.
The next life won’t be so easy for you.
If it weren’t for me you’d be dead for four years now and no one would’ve cared.
Don’t forget that.
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