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You Wanted Me

You wanted me
You were relentless in your pursuit
But we had been friends for a while and, to be honest, I wanted it to stay that way.
Yet, you wanted more.

Whenever you brought up “US” I would change the subject

Remember the conversations we’ve had… 

I was saving myself for the one I would marry
I had always felt that way
But life became complicating and I lost sight of that,  one piece at a time.
I went in search of my self
I had to go back to the place where pain lived and face memories, contending for the pieces of myself I had lost
It was a place where time does not exist
A place without dimension
where records of eternity were stored
My very bruised heart at the center of it all
But my hope was restored
This time I won’t let it go.
I had made an oath to God and to my self
I had put sex on the shelf
I would not defile my body henceforth
I told you everything – the good, the bad, and the wicked ugly

I had known many men 
But I had never known love
I’m talking true love
Spend-the-rest-of-my-life-with-just-one-mate-type-of-love
Walk-down-isle-to-the-altar-before-man-and-God-and-bind-myself-with-an-oath-kind-of-love.
I know such love is real but I have yet to experience it
I know it exists because I’ve witnessed it in the lives of others
And it is beautiful to behold.
I thought you would turn and run upon learning this
Many others have
But you stuck around

So I warned you
I came with a caution label
Count the cost before getting involved with me
I am a complex and profound woman
I’m independent, moody, and need my space
I’m tall, outspoken, and hate injustice
I’m not neutral and I hate complicity and will call out the compromised

A lot of men thought they could reinvent me, and failed

A man must lead
I will not submit to weakness but to vulnerability
A truly confident man doesn’t have to prove anything. 
His presence alone carries weight but he has perfected self restraint
A man has got to have character
He should be like a lion, and know how to rule his own home
He should have vision like an eagle and strive for the high places so that he may see the bigger picture and warn others
And above all, he must love the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit
I see myself submitted before such a man

Don’t clip my wings
I told you these things
And you stuck around
So I gave us a chance

We kissed and held hands
I thought it was beautiful
And I thought you did too. 
Until you complained that things weren’t evolving as you expected
Restless and discontent, you complained that you’re your balls were blue, and ached
Hoping I would Take up the false responsibility fix it
That is not what this is all about


After everything I shared with you 
You knew my life story
I fileted my soul and invited you to my inner world
You got insight into the deep
You had front row seats into the movie of my past
I took your hand in mine and led you through chambers of things better left forgotten
You turned freedom into obligation
And created a chasm between us and expected me to figure out how to cross over it
You inverted our relationship
And tried to gaslight me

You failed to realize that I have dealt with hundreds of men just like you
I had to fight to know my worth 
It was hard to rise above the pressure of putting out.
They all left when I said no
Every last one of them
Only I remained
And God

I've been through hell and back, and not even sulfur can be smelt on my clothes
But I do have scars
They are the scars that bear witness to battles I’ve fought and won
I’ve been forged in the fire
I am a warrior

“How about this…” I suggest
“Go take a cold shower.”
And you took offense in that!
But you lied to me
You got yourself aroused
You want all the benefits of marriage without making the vows
You resorted to watching **** 
The volume muted on your phone
And thought I was stupid
Shouldn’t I have been the one offended?

As a little girl I dreamt of marriage and true love
Not fulfilling the duties of a wife with a boyfriend
I was innocent
Incapable of dreaming that I’d have to settle and play house with someone I’d never marry

I had my fair share of heartache
Promiscuity disappointed me
It was an illusion that i tried to make real
But all I got was disillusioned
I gave the best years of my life to compromise
But those days are gone
Nothing could convince me to go back
Not now

I remained faithful to my vow 
I can’t tell you how glad I am for doing it
I would have hated myself 
If I gave in to your pressure
After it was all said and done it would have been too late
You would have got the one thing you wanted and I would still be unmarried 
But…
I didn't sell out
I know that my body is a temple

Even if I was to live my remaining days
Set apart
I will remain faithful to my oath
Knowing the treasure I possess.

characterdeepemotionshusbandidentityfree verse

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