Jemilla Hibonne Poet Imagism

Workshop Poem : I, Puppet

BASH my skull in why don't you
since you've bashed my heart in
you've torn my soul from my body
you spread it thin

the shear taste of your humiliation
leaves a sour taste in my mouth
as you twisted my heart
as ruined my mind

BASH my head in why don't you
BEND my body to your will
I'm  one of your puppets
Cruel puppeteer

your words mark my back,
with bold words of ghostly shame.
your words encase pain
your words cuts through bones

i display my scar
as time only would sooth me
as i patiently wait, for when
The puppet,
Masters the puppeteer

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Cyndi Macmillan June 10, 2015 at 3:40 PM Hi Jemilla, the workshop is locked, but not fully closed. I am allowing another week to ensure that all participants have used the links (either on my blog or on the winners page) to help their fellow participants by giving feedback to them. Hopefully, more participants will drop by your page, soon, and provide more feedback. Thank you, Cyndi PS Please drop by my blog when you can.

Skat A June 9, 2015 at 11:52 PM Jemilla, :) congrats on your workshop poem

Cyndi Macmillan May 8, 2015 at 5:04 AM An interesting poem with real depth to it, solid imagery, visceral, I like the line breaks. I don't think the capital letters are needed-- the reader feels your anger and pain without the uppercase stress. I would take out "in" lines 1, 2, 9. Line 1, Bash my skull, why don't you Line 2, since you've pulverized my heart, Line 3 torn Line 5, a comma ", humiliation. Line 13, mark no s, not marks Line 15, your words encase (no s) pain If using a lowercase i instead of I, I'd keep it consistent. Jemilla Hibonne May 8, 2015 at 6:05 AM thank you for your input. its been greatly appreciated. Cyndi Macmillan May 8, 2015 at 5:05 AM I did a poem with a similar theme of Master and servant, You and i, so I do understand the intent of a lowercase i.

Casarah Nance February 23, 2015 at 7:56 AM Intense, many of us know how to be both the puppet and the puppeteer. I like visual images in my poetry and you posses nice ones with the "sheer taste of humiliation" "bold words of ghostly shame" if the rest of your poems are as intriguing I am sure to enjoy your writes. :) Jemilla Hibonne March 9, 2015 at 5:03 AM thanks. i hope you like the rest.