Within Me

I longed to belong. Just one friend would be nice. I want to know what it feels like to have - that special bond with someone. I guess noone wanted that special bond with me. Watched the people pass me by, My chances ruined by my nefarious anxieties I always tried to be impervious to my own feelings. But somehow they always found a way to break me - chipping against my hard exterior that I created so i could not feel. But the truth is, I long to feel something - For others mostly. And when the clock hits that late hour I feel everything and I mean everything, like a tun of bricks falling upon my shoulders - I fall apart. I almost wished someone broke my heart. Trampled on it even - So I could have a reason to be so ****ed up. Messed up, broken, torn apart.