Why We Don'T Visit Jane Anymore

Why We Don’t Visit Jane Anymore By Elton Camp We haven’t seen Jane in a year Her house is fairly close to here It is getting harder to find a ruse Her invitations to politely refuse She tells to us over the phone See how my child has grown Your visits are so far between New pictures you haven’t seen I begin to think you must be mad And it is making me feel so bad And if I made some big mistake Then I’ll gladly an apology make “Oh, no, dear, nothing of the kind On our visits we simply got behind. We promise to come without delay We will sure come on next Saturday.” Though we dread the odious chore We walk the yard, toward the door Step carefully. Avoid piles of brown Almost everywhere they are found When we apprehensively come inside, Just as before, we find it hard to abide. Odor that makes us gag fills our noses For sure, we can say that it ain’t roses It’s awful, one my wife and I both abhor We smelled it there on the visits before “Yip, yip” then arises from a ball of fur We recognize our niece’s odious little cur “Right on the couch, please have a seat. Want you my precious Bowser to greet. Because you are both such darling chaps, He’ll quickly jump right up into your laps.” I wouldn’t want you the honor to miss Of getting from my fine dog a big kiss Bowser’ll show how he likes you quick He always does it with a great big lick Oh, and here comes my long-haired cat. What do you think ’bout one like that? It’s well known that dogs and cats fight But for these two, the story wasn’t right The sneaky cat’s presence we couldn’t tell. Since we had credited the dog for that smell. My dear, will you look there on your rug? What on earth is that brown, jumping bug? Your house always has some fleas, you say? Have you ever tried using some bug spray? We don’t want to act mean or make a fuss, But we now must leave before they get on us. It’s getting late and we no longer can delay We walk toward the door to be on our way To our annoyance, we do learn how it feels To have a vicious little dog nip at our heels We tread the yard again, being most discreet And watch so carefully where we put our feet But we find a final gift from Jane’s little dear On bottoms of our shoes, some of his manure And as we start to drive away, Jane did croon “Y’all please be sure to come back real soon.” To visit her again we would just “love” to do And hold our breaths so we won’t say, “Phew.”