Why

Why am I convincing myself I prefer to be alone? Why have I convinced myself I do not want to feel? What answers I seem to give myself. It holds no credence to my sub-consciousness. Making myself believe all those silly little lies I tell my spirit. The thought of forever being alone my heart cries out with the pain. Yet my mind cries out at the thought of a forever love. The heart it has never truly known what love is, only took dips to what it can do. Is it the fear of losing me? Is it the fear of simply just not knowing? I have falsely heard those words with my own ears. I have falsely said those words with my own lips. Never imagining precisely what it represents. I cannot promise my heart something I may not be able to deliver. Why then should I give my spirit hope that it exists. Instead I keep the key hidden so deep. Lose its place. Even I do not know where it lays in dormant. There needs to be a power stronger then me. To override my thoughts. Causing my mentality to spark. A strong willed Knight who can win my challenging fight. To release my secrets, find the key. Erase the thoughts that now are entertaining my brain. To open my heart. My soul. My body. My mind. To help me discover. What it all genuinely means.