Kathleen Woolrich | + Follow Poet |
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Who You Needed Me To Be

Who you needed me to be

I used to be a person who I could feel sorry for

I carried all the scars and sadness and felt the bruises on my skin

And I was a rag doll

But never who you needed me to be

You never seemed to feel bad when you hit me

And you convinced everyone that my madness made you do it

But at 21 , I was eccentric and spoiled

And the beatings aged and disturbed me

And I never was who you needed me to be

Did you think I could recover easily from the blows you dealt me that summer?

I am not saying that the sins I committed didn’t make me deserving of the abuse 

But the way you made me feel after

Coupled with denying how you made me suffer and suffer when I ran after you like a puppy

You laughed at me

You made me cry

You hit me

You told me I was disgusting

You made me hate my body

My heart

And made me hate to breathe

And when I got the strength to leave you

You took what I loved most

My self respect  

My network of people who believed in me

I thought I could forgive you

I could I think

If you felt sorry

But you don’t

You never feel sorry

You never loved me

As I brought your son here

You almost killed me the month before he was born

I never mattered

And in the last part of my heart

I still don’t hate you

I just want to know why you hit me

Why you made me feel so ugly

Why you were so happy when I failed

Why you couldn’t wish me well

And why you split my mind in two

And cracked my heart

You see 

I can never be truly mad

Because no one ever protected me from you

I am a rag doll just left in a puddle

But my baby holds my hand

You left me with him

God loved me

Enough to give me my son from you

He took mercy on me

And gave me my boy

My darling 8 year old boy 

To make the pain stop

Copyright © Kathleen Woolrich | Year Posted 2005

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