Whitetail Burglar

I only shoot to kill my food Not for pride or pleasure I hunt the meat we all can eat Not for a mantlepiece treasure But late one night I was lying in bed And someone was at my door I jumped to my feet like a ninja in heat And crawled across my floor It was dark inside my livingroom But I could see a silhouette The next thing I saw took my breath It's something I'll never forget A deer was wearing a ski mask His antlers poked out the top I jumped to my feet as fast as I could And yelled, "Bambi you better stop" He turned around and began to charge I screamed for my wife to get back He pulled a knife and cut my arm With another sneak attack He chased me down the hallway The bathroom my only hope But when I tried to get inside He lassoed me with his rope He tied me up and robbed my house My wife was under the bed He went through all of our dresser drawers Her underwear on top his head He finally left, the house was a mess There were hoofprints everywhere He took the remote to our color Tv And even our silverware Before he left he pointed and laughed And called me a crazy old geezer But my wife is scared and cannot rest Until I put him in my freezer