When Will The Punishment End
When will the punishment end?
I ask myself that question everyday.
I know it’s my fault.?
I know the pain I caused my family can never be undone.
No apology can rewind time.?
No amount of regret can erase the moment everything changed.
And I carry that with me always…
Some mornings it sits quietly on my chest.
Other days it feels like a weight—
So heavy…
I wonder if breathing is supposed to hurt this much.
I replay the memories…
The choices…
The words I wish could be unspoken.
Not because someone tells me to…
but because guilt has a way of becoming its own punishment.
And still…
there are questions that echo in my mind.
When will we move forward?
When will the silence between us soften?
When will the distance stop feeling like a wall I built?
And I have no clue how to break it down.
When will happiness return to our table?
When will laughter stop feeling like…
something I do not deserve.
When will my family love me again?
Or maybe the harder question—
Will they ever love me again?
I understand why things changed.
I understand why trust broke.
Some mistakes leave cracks?
that apologies alone can’t mend.
I know that.
But how long does a heart stay on trial,
for a moment in time you wish you could erase?
How long do you keep paying,
for a debt you know you can never fully repay?
I’m not asking anyone to forget what happened.
I’m only asking this—
At what point do we allow regret to become growth??
At what point do we allow pain to become healing?
At what point am I allowed to believe?I can be more?
More than the worst thing I’ve done.
Because I am trying.
Every day…
I am trying.
Trying to be better.
Trying to rebuild.
Trying to become someone my family might recognize again.
But some nights the question returns,
like a whisper in the dark.
When will we move forward?
When will love find its way back home?
And the one I’m almost afraid to ask out loud…
When…?
will the punishment end?
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