When Reality Hits

I don't know why I don't show my feelings Sometimes i wonder if i have them anymore Or am i just trying to even out the score People treated me like nothing for so long I am just trying to show them how it feels To be broken for so long but still be afraid to admit it To tell your self to suck it up because no one will ever get it To cry behind close doors because if you did it in public you would be called weak To be so terrified of people So you skip school for weeks Because you felt like you had no friends or no who could relate So you shove pills down your throat because you had no more faith Then to hold you wrist up and slice but the pain you feel could not be refilled by a knife To just give up on life But worst of all to not have a clue about what you going through To just think your crazy or different To not know your suffering from depression Then it turns in to aggression And you get mad at the people around you Because you felt like they are the ones that cause it maybe they could of did a little bit more cared or pay a little bit more attention instead of thinking i was just being a normal teen Thinking that you were just skipping school drinking alcohol and smoking weed To not actually ask question just make up assumptions To be crying and begging for help and still remain help less And that would be the best punishment of all To match their pain with your But you should never let you pride be to big and shallow to ask for help But when reality hit when i when to the mental hospital and realized that i wasn't the only one going through thiis That people could relate And that it wasn't health to be filled with so much hate So i changed my mind state And learned to forgive And when people saw me start to change i was forgiven But i was stuck with one decision Should i hold on to the past or forget and keep on living Because the only thing worst that dying is realizing that you haven't lived And i finally made my decision ... I wanted to live