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When I'm gone

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For Emile Pinet's An old form poetry contest.

The rispetto lyric is generally composed of eight hendecasyllabic (11-syllable) lines. Early on the rhyme scheme was usually abababcc , but ababccdd is now more prominent. For this contest, I will accept either one.

Meet in Eden's garden, where life first gave birth. A beautiful paradise, pure and serene. Amidst verdant petals, not seen on this Earth, flowing in rainbow hues on lush lawns of green. Like Adam and Eve, we'll roam in jasmine air, adrift in nature's splendour without a care. Sing lullabies with angels, as we hold hands. Watch fluorescent sunsets in eternal lands.

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Susan Ashley

Date: 4/21/2024 10:28:00 AM

Dear Silent One, the ethereal beauty of your golden pen enchants the poetic page and touches my soul. This expressive piece, a dreamy yearn for such a paradise as Eden’s garden, for an innocence of love, for the splendor of existence, to be immersed in it all, to feel such sensory and soul-full satisfaction. Indeed the vivid purity of serenity; “to sing lullabies with angels, as we hold hands” is reflected in such sublime thoughts. A beautiful verse, my inspiring friend. Congratulations for your win in Emile’s contest. Warmest wishes.. ~Susan

Linda Alice Fowler

Date: 4/4/2024 10:20:00 AM

Peaceful and serene Congratulations! :)

Maria Williams

Date: 4/4/2024 1:12:00 AM

As I read your wonderful poem, I couldn't help but feel a sense of wonder and amazement at the beauty of Eden's Garden that you speak of. The vivid imagery of the verdant petals and rainbow hues on the lush lawns of green transported me to a serene paradise, a world where we can all roam freely in nature's splendour, just like Adam and Eve did, without any worries or fears.The thought of singing lullabies with angels and watching fluorescent sunsets in eternal lands filled me with joy. I believe that we can all create our own paradise on earth by appreciating the beauty around us and living harmoniously. Congratulations on your win dear S1, so well deserved.

Emile Pinet

Date: 4/1/2024 11:07:00 AM

Congratulations Silent One! Your poem earned you “Second” place in my "rispetto" contest. This was a challenging, competitive contest but your poem easily rose to a top podium placing. Well done my friend, Emile.

Duke Beaufort

Date: 3/31/2024 6:02:00 PM

SO, sounds like a great place. Your description is truly that of a paradise. Hard to believe there's no admission charge and we just get there. Just in case, I am going to try to emulate this here at home!

Paige Hind

Date: 3/30/2024 3:46:00 PM

Really beautiful- rhyme flow was great, a real pleasure to read

Mystic Rose Rose

Date: 3/30/2024 3:36:00 PM

Oh how enticing this all seems, I would like to be a participant in all of this one day :)

Jennifer Proxenos

Date: 3/30/2024 7:49:00 AM

A wonderful belief of how we will all one day find ourselves in the garden of Eden, and we will 'hold hands.' ' Watch fluorescent sunsets in eternal lands.' pure and serene, a beautiful paradise'. But why does hell exist, won't some people land up there? Hugs and blessings Jennifer.

Vijay Pandit

Date: 3/30/2024 5:52:00 AM

Your longing for paradise reverberates in this poem, SO.--Like Adam and Eve, we'll roam in jasmine air, adrift in nature's splendor without a care---sounds like a plan of two romantic hearts!

Zyrool Gifford

Date: 3/29/2024 4:44:00 PM

Beautifully written, your words leaves a dreamy image on my mind. Thank you it’s so uplifting.

Robert Sidwell

Date: 3/29/2024 11:26:00 AM

I loved this! Seemed almost dreamlike. In my opinion you used this style very well!

Suzanne Delaney

Date: 3/29/2024 11:04:00 AM

Very uplifting. My mother told me (as a toddler) that heaven is a garden, where you can pick flowers all day. SuZ

Sara Kendrick

Date: 3/29/2024 10:27:00 AM

Ahhh!!! Very uplifting work, you have penned in this one. Thanks for sharing it with us and for your visits to my page. Sara K

Anne-Lise Andresen

Date: 3/29/2024 8:09:00 AM

- "Sing lullabies with angels, as we hold hands" ... so sweet ... a lovely poem, S.O. :) - hugs

Ink Empress

Date: 3/29/2024 8:06:00 AM

Sad but hopeful, what better way for lovers to reunite than to meet in heaven where jasmines skies inspire angelic lullabies. I love the flow of this and how soft and gentle it is with a soul stirring touch. I especially love “ flowing in rainbow hues on lush lawns of green. Like Adam and Eve, we'll roam in jasmine air, adrift in nature's splendour without a care.“ magical and so dreamy! “ Watch fluorescent sunsets in eternal lands.” How stunning are these thoughts phrased in eloquence! Fave!BOL

Daniel Henry Rodgers

Date: 3/29/2024 7:11:00 AM

Dear SO, I really liked how you evoked a tranquil dream for a utopian realm where innocence and beauty converge. It transported me instantly to a place of timeless harmony, reminiscent of a paradise lost yet deeply desired. I also loved the lushness of nature and the purity of love intertwined, reflecting a longing to return to an idyllic state. It shouts of a primal longing for connection and transcendence, leaving a lingering sense of wistfulness and hope. - SO, an actual dream poem! - Blessings, my friend, Daniel