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When Did I Die To You?

Not in those first hours
When the tears rolled,
That, first hold,
When the twinkle in your eye
Set shore in a kingdom,
You believed, was yours,
“a girl at last”
Not in those first steps
When you were my navigator,
Nor the first word,
That was your name,
Those syllables expressed
You had some claim.
This was no impulsive death,
But slow and degenerative,
Like the heart
you now carry in your  bosom,
And the first pang knocked you,
Shocked you,
Your  little flower began to wilt
(oh but I was blossoming,  could you not see ! )
You so loved the girl,
That rewarded All your silly faces,
With rumbles of laughter,
So when I did not laugh so eagerly,
Did a part of you die,
Or a part of me?
And when I questioned,
That you what you said
Was not definitive,
But simply, what you say,
Which part of me then, slipped away?
You so loved the girl, that looked
To you for answers
So when I found my own,
Was it then that the pangs came
Like tidal waves of pain,
Rocking the foundations
That you had built our dreams upon?
When did I die finally?
When you were put aside,
And some imposter became my center
And my core?
When I made a  life myself,
And was a girl no more?
When I found my place,
And you could not see yours?
You so loved the girl,
How could you accept the woman
That took her name
And changed her form?
The truth is I began to die
The second I was born
When the tears rolled
Down your eyes like hope
That first hold
Slippery as soap,
You must have Known then
You had to let me go,
What an untimely death
You so loved the girl
Now the woman, you don’t know.

Copyright © Rose Pace | Year Posted 2007

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