What Once Was
What Once Was
Match.com…I will check it out
On-line dating to see what it’s all about
Not really looking for love
But fun and friendship would be great
I said hi to a guy that noticed me
What could it hurt to put myself out there and be friendly
Then…I finally met you with a smile
Excited to meet you after weeks of phone calls and texts
This person I’ve come to know
I felt I could be me…even sext
It felt good to open up after years of keeping so much inside
Because keeping everything in slowly abused my mind, body and soul
I could easily share my dreams, worries, events of my day
My thoughts, fears and most intimate desires
But for some reason over the years this ended as I was betrayed
The connection was strong
The feeling I belong
The talks we had of our future
Because of how much fun we had together
Some how he forgot, lied or was putting on a show
After years in the relationship
He expects it to continue to grow
But only if I could be happy with the way things are
The way he wants it
Him controlling the show
Bert and Lamby, grumpy and sweet
This pair is no more
Saddens me so
This duo I adored
He used to try and listen
But no more
Rather put words in my mouth
Tell me I’m a cheater and a liar
Hurting me to the core
I ask you this Rob
What did I ask you 3 years ago
Do you want to be friends with benefits
Or commitment
I have to know
Because I can’t give you my heart and be hurt
If I allow myself to be attached to you
What once was
No longer is
How I tried to talk to you
To get past all this
He was somewhat broken with an ex that cheated, debilitating physical condition
A daughter who never grew up, spoiled with severe mental conditions
I was broken too, hurt by my ex
Not caring about my feelings, abandoning me and disrespect
When you truly love someone you put their needs above your own
This I did as was there for him in everyway
But then I learned I was not his priority
My feelings discounted, my needs were not met
But rather emotional abuse and disrespect
Too much pain
Like a bad dream
Where did my best friend go
Did I just imagine he loved me
Did I believe someone who fooled me
I will never understand
How everything was ruined
Harsh words, disrespect, dismissal of my feelings
Not wanting to put forth the effort to make things better
But rather say so long as I can’t give you what you want
now or possibly ever.
Copyright © Paula Lutz | Year Posted 2021
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