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What Once Was

What Once Was…I will check it out On-line dating to see what it’s all about Not really looking for love But fun and friendship would be great I said hi to a guy that noticed me What could it hurt to put myself out there and be friendly Then…I finally met you with a smile Excited to meet you after weeks of phone calls and texts This person I’ve come to know I felt I could be me…even sext It felt good to open up after years of keeping so much inside Because keeping everything in slowly abused my mind, body and soul I could easily share my dreams, worries, events of my day My thoughts, fears and most intimate desires But for some reason over the years this ended as I was betrayed The connection was strong The feeling I belong The talks we had of our future Because of how much fun we had together Some how he forgot, lied or was putting on a show After years in the relationship He expects it to continue to grow But only if I could be happy with the way things are The way he wants it Him controlling the show Bert and Lamby, grumpy and sweet This pair is no more Saddens me so This duo I adored He used to try and listen But no more Rather put words in my mouth Tell me I’m a cheater and a liar Hurting me to the core I ask you this Rob What did I ask you 3 years ago Do you want to be friends with benefits Or commitment I have to know Because I can’t give you my heart and be hurt If I allow myself to be attached to you What once was No longer is How I tried to talk to you To get past all this He was somewhat broken with an ex that cheated, debilitating physical condition A daughter who never grew up, spoiled with severe mental conditions I was broken too, hurt by my ex Not caring about my feelings, abandoning me and disrespect When you truly love someone you put their needs above your own This I did as was there for him in everyway But then I learned I was not his priority My feelings discounted, my needs were not met But rather emotional abuse and disrespect Too much pain Like a bad dream Where did my best friend go Did I just imagine he loved me Did I believe someone who fooled me I will never understand How everything was ruined Harsh words, disrespect, dismissal of my feelings Not wanting to put forth the effort to make things better But rather say so long as I can’t give you what you want now or possibly ever.

Copyright © | Year Posted 2021

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