What Makes It Okay

I use my hand to write poems that will convince you that my soul has been bleeding from start to end. But this may be a poem for those who think I've been writing from the heart. What makes it okay? What makes it okay to bow for our souls when they cling to the pregnant clouds of tears and fears? This is just me maybe running out of ways to numb this pain by reading old books with coffee stains and nothing makes it okay. But the coffee stains are the reason I'm uncomfortably wake at three A.M trying to cover the holes I opened with the knife but the blood wasn't mine; it never was. What makes it okay to see temptation in a blade, knife, or a pair of scissors? It's the fact that it's not my life I'll be taking. Maybe it's only now you see that the "be careful" note I left on your doorstep wasn't just one of my dramatic moves. You better be wearing two left shoes. What makes it okay to know we're not happier? What makes it okay to hide the misery with a smile? It's me; I'm willing to go the extra mile just as long as you stay behind; I just want to make sure it's safe. What made it okay for me to call you at 3AM in the morning telling myself I've had enough of this sadness. Followed by your voice telling me "everything's going to be fine and maybe it's that time of the month" and no "it's not me; it's you." what makes it okay? I do. I've always had that "go for it" vibe hidden inside me I'd ask you to find it but I'd be uncomfortable. What makes it okay to cling to a cloud? That's probably the hardest **** I've ever had to do. After closing the toothpaste cap; I mean that **** is kind of hard to remember. Like replacing the toilet paper roll; i repeat that **** is hard; literally. That's why the toilet paper needs to be replaced. What makes it okay for me to judge you without having to hear your pain and bleed for you? I'll take the blame any day; just make sure I'm going to be okay when I come back to you every night asking for day light. I mean girl; the sun sets; why won't you.? the sun rises; why won't you? clouds move; why won't you? What makes it okay to put bravery to test? You do.