Carolyn Kemp Poet I do not know?

What Is My Anonymous

it's the ache on the inside of my soul
a deep dark hole
that never gets filled
seeking someone to soothe the pain
erase the shame
unable to control my need
for riding fast in the fast car lane

a brain clouded from last night's drink
unable to think about
"where do i go from here"
to erase the loneliness
looking for success
in a crowded bar
faces blending
never bending
to the cha ching of the slot machine
when the smoke from the pipe
is not all it's cracked up to be
when the needle hanging from my arm
has lost its charm
sound the alarm
is that sirens i hear
taking me somewhere near
to sew up this hole that eats away
at the bottomless pit of my soul
a mouth to full to except
another spoonful of food
never hitting the empty spot
housed within
stop
did i eat yesterday
ate too much
threw it up anyway

stranger in my bed
no one said
life would be easy
on easy street
peeking from bruised eyes
trying to disguise the shame
of last night's drunken tirade
wondering "who am i"
believing that i deserve this black eye
this empty hole
burning on the inside of my soul
uncontrollable waves of an angry sea
a never-ending rage tormenting me

you turn your head
pretend that you don't see
these battles i fight 
helplessly

rape 
by whose definition
incest
a passing fantasy
molested
by a society who told me
that i was no good 
since the beginning of time
when light is right
dark is the black night
lurking with evil shadows
life
has lost all sense of reason
reasons make no sense
cover my head
under the bed
searching for the gun
in the locked shoe box
the pills on the shelf
i tell myself
hanging from the window ledge
screaming
where is
what is
my anonymous

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