What If I Say Please

Is it safe to eat it? Is it safe to eat?
Well if you cook, I wouldn’t miss a beat
But if I make it, and it’s not bacon
Better watch out, there may be some doubt 

What if I say please
Come on man, you can do this with ease
Help me out here
I’m hungry 
I’m hungry 

My culinary skills are lacking
Even the eggs they’re all cracking
I can boil a box of macaroni 
But are the noodles supposed to be so soggy?

What if I say please
Come on man, you can do this with ease
Help me out here
I’m hungry 
I’m hungry 

What? I can’t turn up the flame and jump in the shower?
I’ll only be in there for a short quarter hour
The chicken needs time to cook, does it not?
I added a bunch of oil and even some salt 

What if I say please
Come on man, you can do this with ease
Help me out here
I’m hungry 
I’m hungry 

I know it looks like I’m squeezing the tomato 
Really I’m just trying to slice it like a potato 
Why won’t the knife go through the skin?
Ow, is that my blood or juice from the tomato thing

What if I say please
Come on man, you can do this with ease
Help me out here
I’m hungry 
I’m hungry 

You know dear, you have refined cooking skills
And what they say still
That the way to the heart is through the food
So I’m asking you

It’s not a special occasion
And no my heart’s not aching 
But I’m hungry man, I’m hungry 
And you’re so good at this cooking stuff, yea

So I’m asking you this time
I’m asking please be mine
No it’s not Valentine’s 
But please be mine
I’m hungry 
I’m hungry

I told you before right? *
You make great pizza pie
How did I survive this long?
That’s what you have to say after I wrote you this song?!

Now how long do I leave the pasta in the water? 
Do I add salt? What about oil?
Why is your mouth open but you’re not saying anything?
Man, I guess I’m ordering out again...

*starting here, these lines are spoken not sung, fading out at the end

Copyright © C. A. Burkett | Year Posted 2021

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