Home » Poems » Annalee Pierce » What I Didn'T Say

What I Didn'T Say

I want to be your favorite fairy
Shining brightly just for 
You
I'd dance, if only you would ask 
But of course, you never
Do
Clap for me, if you can spare the time,
Because my magic might just
Fade
I could never be your number one, and I'm 
So sorry for trying

I realize I must be a junkie
I just can't give up
On you
I should quit, but just one more hit
Is something sweet to get
Me through
I poured my tears down into mason jars
Like fireflies so you could see
Then maybe you could help, so I could
Stop hurting me

And with this bucketful of tears, I 
Wish I could drown your
World
I wish I was someone better than 
Yours truly, a most pathetic
Girl
When will I ever learn that it won't ever
Be the same 
For you, when they all love you, and they
All know your name

But me, I am forgettable, because 
I try much too hard
To be the person you might want to see
I'm all green eyes and jealous
Glances
Always present, always there
And I'm caught up in this hurricane, invisible
But all too real, and
I'm bound to hit rock bottom when no one's 
Left to catch me at the endings
Of this tunnel 

I cried out to make you notice, but 
My sobs were left unheard
When I whimpered, you came running, but
I never spat out all my answers
I crave
For you to hold me in your arms, like the sack
Of bones I am, so you can help me 
Drain all of this pain
Before the wounds take over me, and swallow
Me up whole

I tried to tell you what I needed when
I left these words behind
And you never tried to read them, even 
Though they were the key into
My mind
You can't see how much I need you, how much I
Need you to be
Something like a guardian, a protector
To me

But if we're being honest, we know 
My dreams cannot come true
You won't be the one to save me, no 
Matter how badly I want
You to
Really, it's not your fault; I put myself
Through all this hell
And even though I'm grown now, I still
Wish I was Tinkerbell

It’s been tough to admit this, but I won’t
Lie to save my face
There’s nothing you or I could do to lift
This heavy weight off of my 
Name
I just thought you had the right to know exactly
What I didn’t say
When you heard my plea and came to me, asking
“Is everything okay today?”

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