What Have I Become

Dark clouds swirl through the recess of my mind. Trying to find a thought to ground my quaking heart . Tornados of black swirling round and round . Earthquakes crack , falling down and down . Wondering where you are . What you're doing, and whom with. Trust was shattered,  heart imploded, thoughts of evil came abreath. You gave your word, I gave my trust,  a ring upon your hand. You said some words, my trust was blind, just a foolish man. You gave no sign, you gave no clue . Had to force the truth from you. I lost my mind . My heart ceased. Gasping up for air.  Mental racing , logic waining,  a reflectionless stare. Hours pondered hours, thoughts of life and death. I stayed with you. I gave to you . Our children fueled my will. Time went on , life renewed. Working day by day . On me and you and us and them. But evil came to play. With every word , I hear inside my head, Truth or lie? My optimism dead. This sickness of delusion and deceit has nested deep within Everytime I hear you speak , I tremble once again . I want to trust , I want to love, but this beast has taken root. On my back, eating me within. Jealousy and envy , the unforgiving sin. Morning sun shines bright , as I wake day by day . An endless battle of my soul, I fight with all I have . I love you more than words can say , and I'll fight to the end . I don't know if I'll win or lose , my walls are closing in . I hate the person I've become. My skin is wearing thin . I continue , keep going, trudging through the muk. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe . With any luck, My torture will soon end.