What Happened

What happened to the person I use to be? I seem to have misplaced her, where could she be. I only see the outer shell where I use to dwell. I don't recognize the person I see looking back at me. The person I see is distant, lonely, unhappy and mad. Nothing like the person I use to be, and that's sad. As secure as I use to be I let my heart influence me. The relationship I am in now I really wanted to work, But it looks like he may end up being a jerk. When I am away from him and feeling hurt, My head and mouth do most of the work. But when I see him look at me, I forget what I said would be, And then only want him close to me. He gets what he needs from me, then turns into the one I hate to see. This roller coaster ride of emotions has taken a toll on me, My heart is damaged and my self esteem is on empty. Manipulation is the word I use to describe what he dose, To get me to do what he wants me to. And then when he is through, I always end up feeling used. In retrospect I can see how I lost most of my self respect. I must get out of this rut if I don't no telling where I will end up. I have to leave this life behind or I might lose my mind. Then maybe I will find out what happened to that person I use to be. And finally see he was the problem not me.