We Bawl, Then We Ball

Drugging myself. To live in a way I know I don't want, to convince myself I do. To keep waiting for love. Pining over someone I am unwilling to approach. Living in a mess of papers and clutter to keep myself feeling like I am barely afloat. Because who could ask for better from a drowning man. Who could blame them from remaining silent with beauty to share? The fundamental anxiety of being alive. Magnified by floating, uncommitted. Infinite opportunity breeds paralysis. I don't do as I wish, so I feel I can't. Smoking a cigarette before the thought enters. I wish to cherish, I wish to execute my dreams. I am a romantic. This is not beautiful. I bury you in my past. I will send it.