Wanting Unreality

I wanted to reject expected pain So pushed away the feelings of my soul But as I did not look,they came again. To unreality, my self was chained And so I did not see the image whole. I wanted to avoid expected pain Such vigilance will bring a sense of strain And ,too, a story always here,untold But as I did not look,fear came again. Then I was afflicted by deep shame My heart, once full of feeling, turning cold I wanted to bypass expected pain Let no human allocate the blame But life was almost a blocked,I paid such tolls But as I was afraid,fear came again. Now I see the best way is the bold Like the lion who sleeps in the sheepfold I wanted to reject destructive pain Imagined visitors kept me in chains