Volunteer

Need volunteers in the Army? Here’s what they do Just line up a squad and say You, you, and you. Nobody bothers to think Or even to ask Whether you have the knowledge Or ability to carry out the task Just assume you’ll find a way To carry out just what they say. Write a report for the Depot O.C. Just the task they handed to me. Sat in the pub annoyed, drinking I used toilet paper without thinking. And, to make matters even worse Wrote in couplets of iambic verse. Signed Number Rank name And what’s more Drunkenly pushed it Underneath his door. Forty eight long hours of abject fear As Monday relentlessly drew near. The summons came and to my surprise He greeted me with smiling eyes. Said he was amused at my cheek, Get it typed up for later this week, Every squaddie has nine lives But you just need to think on With this latest little jape Eight of yours have just gone. Very soon after came the day Training finished and I was on my way. A much remembered experience Of what the army could do With the imperious finger and The mouthed you and you and you. Whether by luck or by judgement I was never again anywhere near When they were out on the prowl Looking to appoint a volunteer Eventually came the day I was in a position to choose Rank giving me the privilege To impose those volunteer blues. I tried to use it wisely but admit I knew just what to do To take a stroppy joskin and Bring him down a peg or two.