Home » Poems » Earl Schumacker » Virgin Conjurings

Virgin Conjurings

Virgin Conjuring’s

If I were a virgin I would lock up all the birds and bees
Keep them in little yellow boxes in the attic 
And never feed them aphrodisiacs 

If I were a virgin like Sir Isaac Newton
I would do something good for humanity
Have an apple fall on me and explain gravity

If I were a virgin I would become a cartoon
Just like Kim Jong-un, of North Korea
And pretend to be human

If I were a virgin in a strange religion
Where sex was a sin and crime all the time
Suicide and lobotomy would be on my mind

If I were a virgin, which I doubt very much
I would probably have to be age four or five
Living on a desert Island with no women by my side

If I were a virgin things would be different
I would suffer from malnutrition
There would be no reason for living

If I were a virgin……..

Post Comments

Poetrysoup is an environment of encouragement and growth so only provide specific positive comments that indicate what you appreciate about the poem. Negative comments will result your account being banned.

Please Login to post a comment

Michael Bergman

Date: 11/17/2014 5:51:00 PM

Hey there. I was reading your poem and I think I like it, but I really wanted to know more about it if that's alright? I was hoping you could maybe just give a general explanation of what this poem means and what your purpose was in writin g it?

Earl Schumacker
Date: 11/17/2014 6:13:00 PM

Hi Michael, Thank you so much for commenting. I appreciate it. This is like most of my poetry; a little strange, a little slice of life that takes on a life of its own. This particular one speaks to the nature of virginity from a scientific, religious, political and philosophic point of view. I hope you enjoyed it for the fun it was meant to be. I write for fun and entertainment. Take care. Earl