Victory
When I was a boy I wanted to be Martin Luther King,
For his life sings of the strength of unconditional love,
Which can only come from above,
But when I became a man, I gave myself to God,
And Jesus became my hero, for he died and rose to save my soul,
And I fasted for 40 days twice on orange juice and asked God to use me to storm the gates of hell,
But I didn’t realize that hell is less a place and more a condition,
And so when God answered my prayer,
Hell rose up in my flesh,
And at first I thought it was just a test,
But then I became quite the mess,
And the stress had me wish for death,
But I had to find a way to beat the hell within,
So that I could free others, good women and men,
Who this world has forsaken, but who God still loves dearly,
And so I rose up, day after day, with this hell in my body and I fought,
I kept Jobs, I went to Graduate School, I even almost got a PHD,
They had diagnosed me with schizoaffective disorder and that was partially true,
But the demons poking my stomach in the wee hours of the night,
Convinced me that my condition was more complicated than mere sight,
That my plight and my purpose was to wrestle the hell within until I found a way to free others,
And in my fight, God gave me a wonderful wife and two wonderful children to comfort me from the torment I felt within,
But hell is a vicious thing,
And it brought chaos, even when I tried as hard as I could, it still brought chaos,
And my wife with eyes of pure love said, “Husband we can go no further on this journey together, but I will always love you.”
And I have never forgiven her, for there is nothing to forgive,
She gave me her best,
She did the best that she could,
And when she could do no more she said, “That’s enough.”
And so to this day, I love her as the angel God sent me to succor my wounds as the hell in my body tormented me,
And I went into seclusion, and yes I wished for death,
But I had children and I knew that they needed me and so I told death, “We will meet dear friend, but not now. Now I must do battle until the fight is won.”
And so I fought day after day and I would go to work and here voices and have temptations to take off all of my clothes and tell my boss that she was a tyrant. But I fought and I never gave in.
I would go to my daughter’s soccer games and feel as though 5 different personalities dwelt in my body, all pulling me in different directions, but I fought and I would not relent.
For I can accept that hell entered into my flesh so that I could learn to heal the forsaken,
But I cannot accept that any devil, demon, hell, or illness can keep me from the abundant life that God has promised me.
And so I fight. Day after day, I fight and I tell you I can feel my journey coming to an end.
I can see hell becoming heaven and me coming home to hero’s welcome, while I still live on this planet,
And in this journey I have concluded 4 things:
Jesus is Lord,
God will save everyone,
God suffers with us in our suffering,
An all suffering no matter how dark is temporary.
And now I stand poised to feel heaven throughout my being and with that heaven I will free so many tormented hearts that the world has forsaken,
But I will be careful to remember for whom I fight,
I fight for a man who also knew torment,
I fight for a man who was the God of the earth and all things, for woman or man has ever seen the beginning, all any of us have seen is the mediator between the great beyond and this world, this multiverse of duality,
The man for whom I fight loves all and has the power to save all,
He can guarantee to all of human kind from the best of us to the worst of us that we all have a guaranteed place of peace and happiness in the hereafter,
He is the mystery behind atomic energy,
He is the mystery behind quantum mechanics,
He is the mystery behind E=MC^2
He is Vishnu, he is Allah the beneficent, he is Kali, he is Jehovah,
He is El Shaddai, He is the Nirvana that Buddhists seek,
He is Christ consciousness, and he is also Jesus of Nazareth who overcame hell, death, evil, and fear all at once to proclaim anew destiny for the creation.
One not of eventual destruction like some scientists claim but one of divination, redemption, recreation, and freedom,
And with my Lord as my guide, I will preach and live as a householder like Lahiri Mahasaya before me, and I will free many.
But most importantly, I will live every day with the Joyous knowledge that when hell came to knock at my door I held to love like a man on fire AND I GOT THE VICTORY!!!
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