Christine Phillips Poet Narrative

Unsettling Feeling

I just can’t get over this unsettling feeling
 That has my spirit reeling
I just cannot get over this unsettling feeling
That keeps me yearning
If someone had hit me with a stone
Then I would have taken the blow and groan
If someone had hit me with a piece of stick
Then I would have drank a hot cup of soup
If I was fearful I would hide away 
And look for another place to stay
But it is a living devil in the town
That is making my spirit groan
It is the people in the community
That has been murmuring about their self-made misery
What have I to do with them
And their bread and butter problems?
I came here and saw them wallowing 
in their own  before I have decided to cool it
And when I started hanging out on the corner
They took me to the hallelujah altar
They give me all types of name
But I pretend to have no shame
Every day I faced a new threat
That could have caused my imminent death
They want to keep the lying fantasy going
 To keep the amusing business going
I don’t know who those people are
Not even Christ the redeemer knew it all
Yet they continue to spread rumor that is dead
And when I enquire in and out,
No one wants to tell me what the rumor is all about 
Everybody come and stare at me
As If I have some form of leprosy  
And yesterday was no exception
 A brand new episode has begun 
to raise up Shakespeare from the dead 
Every time I thought of it
The harder it is for me to believe it
 Although I have experienced it
This was how the story unfold
As I exit through the Iron Gate
Two men approached and walk towards the gate
One tall and the other short and I did not know them at all
The short one pissed on the little girl painted on the wall
And even now it is still making my spirit crawl
A father or a man, a boy or a son or a criminal on the run
All these things kept running through my mind
But the shocking part of it was not divine
The hateful words that came from his mouth
Spilled more dirt in the muddiest river
And propel actions that send chills 
Through everybody’s body
 He picked up a big rock
 and attempted to hit me with it
But I stood there and stared at him 
and waited for him to make that move
I saw him trembling from afar 
while he was embroiled in his own brawl
And I could tell that he was sent from afar 
The way he speaks did not intrigue me
But it was his action that disturbed me
And before the day was done 
heaven was feeling the heat
I still cannot get over this unsettled feeling
That has my spirit burning
It’s not because I am leaving 
But it is because of everybody’s dealing
I know that I will soon be leaving 
And it could be as soon as tomorrow evening
Tonight or even in the morning 
I will not miss a soul 
because  I have to be bold
Not even a cantankerous mother
 A dead father or unscrupulous brothers
Half-brothers niece and nephews, 
Aunts and uncles, near and distant cousins
I love you all but I cannot stand this environment at all
I did not even grow up with them 
So why should I miss them
I have not met any of them since I got here
Just one or two of them pass and say hello
And identify themselves, heaven knows
When I will formally meet them
The day is done another battle has been won
I just can’t stop the tears from flowing
No matter which way I am going
It is just the idea of the evil choir
 That is setting my heart on fire
I have tried so hard to suck it in
But the more I do the more reality is stepping in
Of all the places that I have been 
No one dear to touch me,
No one dear to threaten me
No one has been competing with me
But since I got here the sun has been burning
And, I have had these unsettled feelings
I have to go and refresh my tired soul
And have some fun before I grow old
I am leaving so please come and 
Help me to get rid of this unsettling feeling.

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