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Unsettling Feeling
I just can’t get over this unsettling feeling That has my spirit reeling I just cannot get over this unsettling feeling That keeps me yearning If someone had hit me with a stone Then I would have taken the blow and groan If someone had hit me with a piece of stick Then I would have drank a hot cup of soup If I was fearful I would hide away And look for another place to stay But it is a living devil in the town That is making my spirit groan It is the people in the community That has been murmuring about their self-made misery What have I to do with them And their bread and butter problems? I came here and saw them wallowing in their own before I have decided to cool it And when I started hanging out on the corner They took me to the hallelujah altar They give me all types of name But I pretend to have no shame Every day I faced a new threat That could have caused my imminent death They want to keep the lying fantasy going To keep the amusing business going I don’t know who those people are Not even Christ the redeemer knew it all Yet they continue to spread rumor that is dead And when I enquire in and out, No one wants to tell me what the rumor is all about Everybody come and stare at me As If I have some form of leprosy And yesterday was no exception A brand new episode has begun to raise up Shakespeare from the dead Every time I thought of it The harder it is for me to believe it Although I have experienced it This was how the story unfold As I exit through the Iron Gate Two men approached and walk towards the gate One tall and the other short and I did not know them at all The short one pissed on the little girl painted on the wall And even now it is still making my spirit crawl A father or a man, a boy or a son or a criminal on the run All these things kept running through my mind But the shocking part of it was not divine The hateful words that came from his mouth Spilled more dirt in the muddiest river And propel actions that send chills Through everybody’s body He picked up a big rock and attempted to hit me with it But I stood there and stared at him and waited for him to make that move I saw him trembling from afar while he was embroiled in his own brawl And I could tell that he was sent from afar The way he speaks did not intrigue me But it was his action that disturbed me And before the day was done heaven was feeling the heat I still cannot get over this unsettled feeling That has my spirit burning It’s not because I am leaving But it is because of everybody’s dealing I know that I will soon be leaving And it could be as soon as tomorrow evening Tonight or even in the morning I will not miss a soul because I have to be bold Not even a cantankerous mother A dead father or unscrupulous brothers Half-brothers niece and nephews, Aunts and uncles, near and distant cousins I love you all but I cannot stand this environment at all I did not even grow up with them So why should I miss them I have not met any of them since I got here Just one or two of them pass and say hello And identify themselves, heaven knows When I will formally meet them The day is done another battle has been won I just can’t stop the tears from flowing No matter which way I am going It is just the idea of the evil choir That is setting my heart on fire I have tried so hard to suck it in But the more I do the more reality is stepping in Of all the places that I have been No one dear to touch me, No one dear to threaten me No one has been competing with me But since I got here the sun has been burning And, I have had these unsettled feelings I have to go and refresh my tired soul And have some fun before I grow old I am leaving so please come and Help me to get rid of this unsettling feeling.
Copyright © 2024 Christine Phillips. All Rights Reserved

Book: Shattered Sighs