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Unquotable quotes: friends - XV, Part One

If you stick your neck out for a friend, you’re likely to lose your head. A friend is a potential enemy in disguise as a loving wife just before vowing ties. Friends are of all kinds but the kind you want them to be. A friend you use is a friend you abuse and who has no use of you. The friend you call upon in need is always in greater need. If you give a friend an helping-hand, make sure you take it back as soon as you can. If you trust your friend with your girl, you’re the biggest dope in the world. When friends meet, they always talk about beating meat. If you take a friend to dine, make sure he leaves his horse behind. The friend with daughters is the kind you wished sported blinkers. A friend who works in banks, we always drop in - in person - to say thanks. The friend’s wife even if she’s a bad cook is no chinook to hook. If friends go on vacation with their wives, they always know who connives. Friends who live close-up always end-up in the lock-up. A friend with an axe to grind always uses it on some friend’s uterine. A friendly father is one who takes a lasting interest in his daughter’s girl friends. A friend who loans you some dough is always knocking on your door. Only a friend who walks his dog picks the hour your wife goes out for a jog. A friend at your beck and call must be wondering why you don’t him enthrall. A friend by any other name is a still a friend you can put to shame. A friend is someone you can entrust your shame with, but never your fame. Keep your distance from the friend who shouts in your face for it’s a downright disgrace he spits in your face. Friends who work for rival companies tend to share daily work memories. Friends who work in different embassies are thick as thieves. The greatest friends are those married couples with very large families who realize far too late they are/were really homo-sexuals. Friends who give one another too many presents ought to look for friends who only give presents. The best friends are those who need no psycho-analysts for they can see each other without waiting for appointments. Childhood friends always end-up wishing their friends on other friends. A friend of a friend always turns up for a spend or a lend. Long lost friends who meet to go out for the night leave behind wives happy, whallop-py and tight. © T. Wignesan – Paris, 2016

Copyright © | Year Posted 2016

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