Unmedicated

The cool crisp air grazes against my face, Relaxing on my porch, i try to find my place. Unmedicated thoughts, are scrolling through my mind, And even though its peaceful now i can't leave past behind. I think of all I've done with no appreciation, I do not understand why there is so much expectation. "Try to think of good thoughts" they say with no reasoning. I swear i really try to but the bad ones really sting. I struggle keeping thoughts in a positive direction. But i swear i try, i really do, but i can't rid this infection. Depression, depression, is what they've labeled me. I wish i could contest but its too accurate you see. The sun wont disappear just because the air is cool. the water won't stop running just because the tub is full. My point i guess is that i cannot ever make it stop. I swear these thoughts will fill my head up till it finally pops Its horribly overwhelming, and i don't know what to do. I'm afraid its suffocating and won't stop till i am through. Through with this, through with that, through with life Im guessing. Through with trying, done with crying, done with these thoughts pressing. I feel i must keep pushing forward, feel i must keep trying. but its oh so hard to do when all your thoughts consist of dying.