Unmarked Snow

it is a relationship based on trust / based on I Must Have You _____ Now / somehow / anyhow / need that blend of painguilt & pleasure / by any measure, have to achieve the ____ maximum / (the step before finito) // //where was it that i lost / you, / self? when did i agree to live like this? / i missed out on something / crucial / & i fear i've lost my chance to be / ok. monsters / rest/ in the dark _____ i miss that / that bold presence tensing my muscles / poising my mind for every / little / thing that ever was / seconds registered & remembered with the respect given to / years / a moment is all it takes to ________ take you away. // //hygiene _____ seenfeltknown inside & out / suffering / pretending so hard that it's worth / it. the universe is in a fit / thrashing about the cage of man-made rage / release sought in the singular death of / a faith, one by one / every following murder is easier / than the _____ previous. teach me the true meaning / of / now _____ show me how to forget all the standards i've let myself / pick up / leave my body of anything below the Best & with the rest _____ _____ destroy. / ignorance is a virtue, allow me to stay blind while you pursue / the occupation & i can blame it on not / knowing / any _______ better // don't ask me / why, / i'd defend it to the death / it was worth the try ________ . lean back ____ clear / your / mind / see how long it takes you till you can't find / yourself / ____ after a while the awareness gets put / back on the shelf due to / lack of use. the constant impending abuse is a bafflement, hanging between every / slip / of ________ for it remains the / unexplained. / i'm walking straight into hell too fukced up to tell exactly why it was i fell. /