Ugly Christmas Sweaters

You've read my rant from yesterday About those Christmas Letters But one thing just disturbs me Those Ugly Christmas Sweaters!!! You know the ones we love to hate They're all so scratchy and they itch You can barely get the damn thing on And to remove it...it's a *****!! Pictures of things Christmassy Like a reindeer all in red Mine looks like an emaciated cow with a candelabra on his head Snowflakes, trees and Norway Spruce and colours....oh my lord They can take them back to Norway and throw them in the fjord!!! My nan made one for me one year It was silver with some blue Turns out she used old brillo pads Because she liked the soapy hue They itch and scratch and don't fit right They are a cancer to my eyes I had one in green and red With one sleeve down past my thighs I thought it was a jumpsuit The kind the paratroopers wear The pattern pages stuck together And that sleeve....went down to there!!! We all have one hidden away In a box, 'neath lock and key In a place so nicely hidden One we've had since we were three We never plan to wear one more We all know that we once did but, if we had to wear one out We're gonna buy one for our kids!!! If you need to get assistance go to uglysweaters dot o- r- g They can help you with your wardrobe Tell them you heard of them from me.