Twas the Night Before Christmas
'Twas the night before Christmas and I was still shopping
when I would much rather have been bar to bar hopping.
I juggled bags of presents that cost far too much dough.
The sidewalks were crowded and then it started to snow!
I scowled at a chubby fake Santa who kept ringing a bell.
'Twas another Christmas Eve straight from the annals of Hell.
I stopped for a coffee at Starbucks and got a leaky cup.
I've had just about enough of this mayhem. I'm fed up!
But I couldn't go home, not yet. I had more gifts to buy.
A guy bumped into me. My patience was in short supply,
so, I pushed him back and ducked inside a jewelry store.
He came after me with clenched fists, and ready for war!
A security guard leaped into action and threw him out
I stayed put for a while because I knew without a doubt
that man was waiting outside, and I wasn't ready to die.
I sang, "Oh, you better watch out, you better not cry..."
Since trapped for a while, I thought I'd get my wife a ring.
Emeralds or sapphires would do. She'd like a little bling.
The price was exorbitant, but I wasn't ready to leave.
How much worse could things get on this Christmas Eve?
A question I should've never asked, and I'll tell you why...
There's no Moana Dolls anywhere for my daughter. Sigh.
Santa was coming to town but beneath our tinseled tree
my kid would cry out, "Santa didn't leave Moana for me."
"Sorry," the saleslady said, "I'm afraid I sold the last one."
Tis the season to be jolly, but I'll be glad when it's done.
What's a dad to tell his kid about the flaw in Santa Claus?
I bought her a little puppy and named him Santa paws.
I walked down a slippery street with a dog on a leash.
What a sight I must've been; a grown man crying, 'SHEESH!'
But I was headed home and in need of a shot of whiskey
because Santa Paws was beginning to get a bit too frisky.
'Twas a wretched night before Christmas I'll never forget.
I waited too long to shop and paid the price with regret.
Santa's elves make his toys and reindeer pull his sleigh,
but next year I'll be doing my Christmas shopping on Ebay!
November 24, 2022 ~ The Night Before 3 Contest
Sponsored by Joseph May
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