Tv Dinner

I pause the movie as I pop my frozen food into the microwave; which is five feet from my bed. Located just above the mini fridge and has my coffee pot on top of it. The cigarette burns and the ash tray is on the counter right next to me. I have seven pillows on my bed and my head is propped up so my feet do not block my view of the tv. This causes my neck to ache and my lower back to hurt. The commercials are too frequent. The movies are too long. I feel trapped in this room as if in my own purgatory. My sleep pattern is off as I fade in and out of consciousness. I've lost everything, so I'm at a loss of words. My brain is like mush, soaked up like a sponge. These surroundings are absorbent. Outside is my enemy and the plague is on my doorstep. I'm only one man away from myself. Inside, I keep hidden. Thoughts, I keep close. My kids are always on my mind. They're only a few blocks away, yet we're an eternity apart. It tares me up as the tears fill my eyes. I turn the channel because it's hard to deal with. Running away from reality, not changing; standing still. As life added up, I continued to grow until I reached my peak. I've since began to shrink and slowly revert. The depression is great. Three weeks away from being on the streets. One step away from making it big. I'm mixed like a drink but I've been dry for some time now. Dollars have faded to quarters. I'm at my whits end. The microwave beeps, which prompts me to get up. I open up the blinds and in the distance I see the sun. A glimmer of hope is all I need. Something to wake me up from this false sense of reality. With my eyes open, in this moment, I find a reason to believe. I take my TV dinner out of the microwave and press play. Life goes on.  9-01-14