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Turn Back the Clock

Turn Back The Clock

Six months have now passed since I learned of your death
Still grapple with the reality that you no longer draw breath

Taking your own life left me feeling bewildered and shocked
If I could make a Genie's wish this is one reality I like blocked

Hanging yourself at just forty four with so much soul to give
If only I could turn back the clock and make you want to live

You kept many secrets from me , sadly depression was one
I know if I knew there was probably nothing I could have done

It explains so much, the lies, the absences and why you drank
Holding tightly to your secret instead of being morally frank

Whenever you saw me, you hug me so tight and tell me you loved me
Bursting into tears at grocery store realizing you again I would never see

I miss your emails sent monthly with heartwarming pictures attached 
Pleading with me to give us another chance if I ever became unattached

Ironically I learned of your death six days after breaking off with other guy
Lives hand dealt swiftly and harshly as from heaven I'm sure you seen me cry

So many incredible happy memories of you I hold dearly in my heart
I feel you around me, you're with me in spirit even though we are apart

I hope your now at peace and happy that Kim and I are chums
Please be our guardian angel and protect us until our time comes


RIP Lee aka Bam Bam  .....Love, Pebbles

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Mama Bear

Date: 11/26/2015 6:22:00 PM

We often lose those we love in different ways You were unfortunate in it being a suicide but he could have just wandered away into an abyss and you might never have heard of him again. We can never understand another's pain and can only love them even when they are gone. Beautifully expressed and my heart goes out to you in your loss Blessings Edith

Paul Callus

Date: 11/19/2015 4:55:00 PM

I am so touched by this sad poem, Cecilia! We never know what life has in store for us and those we love. Depression can be treated, unless one surrenders without a fight; suicide can never be seen as the right solution. ~ All the best. // paul

Andrea Dietrich

Date: 11/17/2015 3:43:00 PM

oh, my, Cecilia, how sad!!! This was just recently? I remember you were with a man a few years back. IS that the one you told me of in those days? He was a very unhappy person to do what he did. There is nothing you could have done. I only feel sad that he had to end his life that way.

Cecilia Macfarlane
Date: 11/18/2015 3:25:00 PM

It took me 6 mths after I found out before I could express it in words. Soupmail

Kp Nunez

Date: 11/17/2015 5:50:00 AM

Heartbreaking, Ces...Welling up as I read this. Soupmail. hugs!

Cecilia Macfarlane
Date: 11/17/2015 11:52:00 AM

Thanks Kim. Hugs

Duke Beaufort

Date: 11/14/2015 8:42:00 AM

The sad things that happen to people that make them want to end early can not make sense unless you have been at life's edge. The sadness left behind is always terrible. Thank-you for expressing these feelings in such a kind way to your departed suitor. If I were he, I would say, we were not meant to be, but I will always love you. I didn't understand that happiness does not come from you to me. I had to find it myself, and I just could not. However, I will think of you fondly always.

Cecilia Macfarlane
Date: 11/15/2015 6:29:00 PM

Thank you Duke.....your comment was touching. Hugs