Trouble At the North Pole
Santa has a problem,
Mrs. Claus is really sore,
Working one whole day a year,
She hardly sees him anymore.
Even on his days off
He's hanging out with elves,
Or playing games with reindeer,
Or restocking toyshop shelves.
Could it be that he no longer thinks she's hot?
What do elves and reindeer have that she ain't got?
But Mrs. C. knows just what she will do,
When he gets back this time,
She'll be brand new.
She'll go out shopping for clothes,
And maybe nip-tuck her nose,
Then on to address some excess adipose.
Her bosom's rather small,
So she'll enlarge it.
When asked how she will pay,
She'll just say "Charge it!"
"Then maybe he will pay attention to me.
He certainly will when the credit card bill comes due!"
But will it be enough to change him?
Dare she try to rearrange him?
The big galoot is how he is.
Still, he is hers, and she is his,
And his Christmas biz is all that gets them through.
Santa knows he's been neglectful,
But what's a guy like him to do?
Can't disappoint the girls and boys
Who all depend on you.
And, it's true, they don't go out much,
Sometimes to a coffee bar,
But living at the North Pole,
You can only go so far.
Now he has a little secret
He hopes will make her less upset,
Next year he plans to work from home
And just use the internet.
But he won't let her know that right away.
He'll wait 'til he's back home,
And they have some time alone,
Because he's really keen to see
Her brand new physiognomy
Before he springs his big surprise
On Christmas Day.
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